Puppet Master. It's a title that doesn't ring a bell with most movie fans, but regardless of this it has spanned 30 years, seen twelve instalments, a spin off with another currently in the works, and comic books and merchandise alongside it all.
So how has this series proven profitable if nobody's heard of it? Well firstly it's worth noting that the reason nobody's heard of it is largely because most of the instalments are utter shite, churned out by a fairly low-key film production company called Full Moon Features; but due to the few films of the franchise that do shine, a die-hard fan-base was born.
So hear me out, as I walk you through the series film by film, and make recommendations and cautions where necessary.
Puppet Master I (1989)
Plot: In 1939 a puppet master named Andre Toulon kills himself to avoid capture by the Nazis, though not before hiding away the collection of magic puppets that the Nazis have been desperately hunting him for. Years later, a team of psychics are called to the Bodega Bay Inn following the death of their partner Neil Gallagher, who had been on the hunt for Toulon’s secret of life after death. Soon enough the psychics begin turning up dead (bet they didn’t see that coming, did they?) and it becomes ever clearer that all is not as it seems at the Bodega Bay.
Verdict: The first film of a franchise should never be highly rated for being just that, but that isn’t an issue with Puppet Master I because as both a film and an instalment to the series it’s fantastic. Though it’s generally ranked alongside other “killer toy” movies like Child's Play and Annabelle, it really bears no resemblance to them, which in some respects adds to its charm. It has just the right levels of weirdness and originality, a unique blend that is rarely exhibited in the rest of the series. Other films might have more action or feature more exciting set ups, but they never quite capture the same feel as I.
The first puppets to debut in this film are also possibly the most unique and memorable of the series, most notably Blade who has appeared in every single film of the series. In fact this is perhaps Blade’s strongest film, as it is for all his companions, too. Blade specifically though has a lot of personality on show throughout this film, so much so that he actually feels like an actor with emotion and heart as opposed to a prop. Pinhead and especially Jester are equally as lifelike in this film; in fact I can safely say all the puppets exhibit greater acting talent than any of the actors in Puppet Masters six through to eleven. Fuck, even Shredder Chan (a puppet I feel it was a crime to exclude from later films with a name like that) manages to come across as a more credible actor than any post-1996 Puppet Master actor, and all his does is turn his head and scoot his stiff little arm up and down a few times.
On that note the actors and characters in this film are a definite cut above the rest. They don’t even do anything specific to stand out, they just seem to be totally natural human beings, delivering lines that feel genuine, not over-done to the point of mockery like so many of the later actors would do. Pick of the litter is Alex - he may not have immense depth or powerful delivery of lines, but he does have an incredibly sophisticated head of hair, which I would have loved to have seen become a puppet and join the other puppets on all their later wacky adventures.
It may not be the best, but it certainly has some great qualities to it, some which other instalments could never get right. It’s a strange film that mixes fantasy adventure with a number of exploitation elements (tits’n’gore spring to mind) and it’s evident some real consideration went into its making. The grotesque and dragged out Leech Woman scene, the tension of waiting for Pinhead’s first attack, it’s all dynamite, and thus makes for a great movie.
Pros:
- It started it all!
- The puppets are real evil little bastards.
- Mixes a couple of film sub-genres and styles to make for a weird and entertaining hybrid film.
- The chick with the dead dog and sassy attitude is cool.
- Chick who gets turned on by touching stuff is also cool, too.
- Alex’s hair.
- Shredder Chan.
- Puppets that feel like real characters and have some of the best animation in the series.
Cons:
- The villain was a tad vanilla.
- Because this film exists puppet masters seven to ten were also able to exist.
Ranking : A
Puppet Master II – His Unholy Creation (1991)
Plot: Puppet Master 2 is set a few years after the first film, and this time it’s a team of government paranormal investigators checking out the hotel. Shit hits the fan when the puppets start murdering people, and the alleged owner of the hotel start snooping around (plot-twist, it’s zombie Toulon!) to really mix the pot. It’s up to the investigators’ leader Carolyn and son of the missing psychic Michael to figure out what’s going on.
Verdict: This film is without a doubt the best of the series. Although it’s a similar formula to the first movie, it brings in some new ideas that keep it feeling as weird and fresh as its predecessor. The new antagonist is Toulon, who’s been brought back as a zombie to harvest human brains so that he and the puppets can live for another half-century. Unlike later films, Toulon is borderline bat-shit here, and it makes for great viewing. He floats around the hotel bandaged up head to foot to hide his decomposing flesh, and he’s adamant that the investigator Carolyn is inhabited by the soul of his dead wife, so he attempts to kill her and transport his and her souls into life sized mannequins so they can be together again.
The puppets are still pint-sized terrors in this film, and again they end up inadvertently saving the day by playing a wild card on their master in the finale. This is also the first film to feature Torch, the series’ token bad-ass who just goes around burning mother fuckers up left right and centre, including a snot nose kid who thinks he can order a puppet with bullets for teeth and a flamethrower for a hand about. Torch’s first kill is probably the most visually pleasing in the entire film, when he unleashes his flame hand on a middle-aged farmer's wife until she’s burnt to a crisp, meaning we get to see a stuntman in a flame suit flail about for a bit. Sadly though Leech Woman is killed off in this film, possibly the only continuity the creators have kept faithful to when shooting any follow on sequels, much to fan dismay.
Simply put though, this is a fantastic movie. The story is definitely one of the best in the series - the main cast are usual puppet fodder, and because of this Toulon is given substantial room to steal the show. The puppets are given some great screen time and animation, and their kills are gleefully graphic. There’s also a few bewildering yet hilarious scenes, which of course feature Toulon. When first introduced he just rolls up to the hotel post-puppet murder and instantly wins over the trust of the entire investigation team in his Invisible Man bandages and sunglasses, and later he awkwardly cock-blocks Michael to dance with Carolyn, and sulks like a bitch when he gets rejected. The ending’s pretty great too, though it’s a shame it was never continued on.
Pros:
- Great story.
- All puppet-related features are top notch.
- Torch’s debut.
- A kid is burnt alive.
- Evil zombie Toulon.
- The cock-block scene.
- Gory deaths galore.
- The life sized mannequins look fucking terrifying.
- Hits the sweet spot of weird and original that rivals the first.
- Zombies!
- Gives the origin of Toulon’s magic.
Cons:
- Fan favourite Leech Woman is killed off.
- Certain aspects are all but ignored in later films, and this is the first in the series to dick up the timeline.
- Its cliff-hanger ending is never followed up.
Ranking : A+
Puppet Master III – Toulon’s Revenge (1991)
Plot: The Nazis are looking for a way to resurrect dead soldiers as human shields on the battlefield, and Toulon and Elsa are running an anti-Hitler puppet show in town. The Nazis catch wind of the show and the “string-less puppets” and head over to investigate, then end up acting like total Nazis. Elsa is killed and Toulon escapes with his puppets. Now on the run, he plots his revenge against those who wronged him before he can get the fuck out of Germany and away from the Nazis.
Verdict: Puppet Master II played Toulon off as a bit of a nut job, but Toulon’s Revenge decided to flip it back round to make him the good guy. Smart move given that Toulon is fighting the Nazis in this film, and he just wouldn't work as a protagonist in his previous portrayal. This in turn means the puppets are now good guys from the get go, a trait that becomes a staple for the series from here on out.
This doesn’t mean the puppets are in anyway tame however; they dish out just as much carnage on the Nazis as they did to their victims in the previous two films, with one particular Nazi (Klaus) literally being strung up like a puppet himself. The story and action in this film are spot on, we get a look into Toulon’s life before his suicide at the start of Puppet Master I, and get a further insight as to why the Nazis were so into his puppets in the first place.
This is also Six-Shooter’s debut and it’s a fairly spectacular one at that - when he guns down a Nazi general fresh from his hotel room after porking some favoured Nazi hooker. There’s also some nice touches along the way that exhibit an attention to detail and lore that very few of the series' other entries manage. For example Blade is modelled after Klaus, the Nazi officer who killed Elsa, and sure enough, the guy brought in to play him really does resemble Blade, and he portrays the role perfectly.
This film has everything exciting you would want from a Puppet master film, and unlike entries we will be covering shortly everything is perfectly executed. The Nazis are not over the top and ridiculous, and they actually have German accents, which you would think to be a no-brainer when making a movie, but as you read on, you'll be surprised to learn how often Puppet Master Nazis lack their native tongue. The characters, the plot, the deaths, they're all on point. There’s even a zombie in one scene. Fuckin’ A.
Pros:
- A look into a point in Toulon’s life which you actually want to hear about.
- Six Shooter’s debut film.
- Nazis! Zombies! Boobs!
- The guy playing Klaus did a great job and really did resemble Blade.
- The standard of gore you want in a Puppet Master film.
- A plot you can care about.
- Nazi prostitutes!
- The puppets are depicted as the heroes yet not at the expense of some graphic murders.
Cons:
- Further fucks up an already shaky timeline at three films in.
- Re-establishes Toulon as good thus semi-cancelling out the events of II.
- The puppets do feel somewhat like sidekicks to the human characters, something later films will continually incorporate.
- From this point on the exploitation feel of the series is all but gone.
Ranking : A
Puppet Master IV – The Demon (1993)
Plot: So it turns out the powers Toulon used to bring his puppets to life were stolen from Egyptian demons, and they don’t take kindly to mortals dicking about in their affairs. They respond by sending their demon spawn to attack the scientists behind the Omega Project, who are on the verge of recreating Toulon’s magic and thus harnessing the power of life. They meet their match with project head and laser tag enthusiast Rick however, who is cooped up in the abandoned hotel and stumbles across the puppets with the help of his friends. Things swiftly go shit side when the bigger demons arrive to finish the job, meaning Rick and the puppets must band together and find a way to stop their onslaught.
Verdict: Out of all of the original five films, this one is probably the worst. Everything feels toned down in comparison to the previous instalments, with the action, pacing, and plot taking such a tonal shift that it feels what Gremlins 2 was to the original when placed alongside its predecessor. It’s still a good film, but it could have been better. Speaking of Gremlins, the demon spawn running around slashing people are essentially a poor man’s gremlin. They attack like gremlins, they kinda look like gremlins, and I’m pretty sure they even use the same growls as gremlins. Boooo.
Bringing demons into the mix was a pretty hit-and-miss idea to begin with, although Puppet Master V manages to play them off a bit better (more on that later). The plot works though, albeit leaning more towards the fantasy adventure camp than previous titles, and the dialogue is adequate for what you would expect in a good tier Puppet Master film. Cameron makes a nice comic relief as the douchebag you’d most like to see offed, sliding in a few commendable dickish quips before he becomes demon chow to the audiences’ delight.
What really makes the film however is when Rick decides to play laser tag with the puppets. He puts on some butt metal and goes nuts shooting at Tunneller and Pinhead, who look just as stoked to be playing as he does. A new puppet called Decapitron is also introduced, but his part in the film isn’t all that, though he gets his moment in the sequel.
Pros:
- Egyptian demons!
- Puppet animation is up to par with the best.
- Some of Cameron’s lines are gold.
- Decent plot, decent acting, decent execution.
- The laser tag scenes are perfect.
Cons:
- The tamest of the original five.
- More puppet action would have been nice.
- Decapitron doesn’t do much to wow here.
- A few of the demon/puppet fight scenes just looked like the crew hitting two dolls together.
- The demon attack scenes all look very cookie cutter.
Ranking : B
Puppet Master V – The Final Chapter (1994)
Plot: Rick is in custody for a crime he didn’t commit. The arch demon is at large and thirsts for revenge. The puppet team has disbanded and only Rick can unite them. When Rick is released from custody he meets up with Blade and remembers he must uphold his promise to Toulon that he’d keep the secret of the puppets safe. However when he arrives back at the hotel he’s put to the test as the arch demon has sent out one final spawn to finish the job. Rick must fight to keep the puppets safe from both the demon and his boss Dr Jennings, whilst also keeping an army of demons from coming to Earth.
Verdict: Balls out thrills abounds in this one. Everything is on the line and unfortunately it’s on Rick to save the day, meaning all laser tag games on hold for the time being. Rick’s an okay hero, but he’s just nothing special compared to others in the series. His boss Jennings however is on top form in this film; his blunt delivery and turn from hero to heel make him the most interesting human character in the film, though he isn’t really up against much tough competition. Not that it matters as the majority of the cast are just here for demon consumption anyway.
Minus Leech Woman all the best puppets are present for this one, Torch was omitted from IV so it was great to see him back out burning fools, even if it would be the second and last time he’s used in the series. Decapitron is also back and actually does something that warrants a name as cool as Decapitron. Unfortunately he doesn’t decapitate anyone, but he possesses much more showmanship than he did in our previous encounter with him.
Final Chapter is essentially IV but with improvements made where improvements were needed. The action is back up to scratch with a stellar roster of puppets, the characters may just be set up to get cut down but they’re at least more entertaining than the whiny kids from IV, even if a few of them tragically return. There’s also some tasteful lightning cutaways used in a number of scenes, which feel as though the editing department just discovered them in the after effects one day and decided to use them with a vengeance for the duration of the film. I like it.
Pros:
- Does everything IV did but better.
- Improved puppet/demon fights.
- Gore is back on top.
- Jennings hails as a series great right next to II’s Toulon and Alex’s hair.
- Torch is back!
- Decapitron is substantially cooler this time round.
- Holy shit, the continuity readings are off the charts!
- The lightning cutaways are dope. They really are.
Cons:
- Rick isn’t as interesting this time round, possibly because he isn’t playing laser tag with puppets.
- Lauren’s inclusion and comatose computer hacking was fairly irrelevant and could have been omitted.
- Torch doesn’t torch enough fools.
- The demon attacks are still pretty vanilla.
Ranking : A
Puppet Master VI – The Curse of the Puppet Master (1998)
Plot: The puppets are now in the hands of a guy called Dr. Magrew, who runs his own puppet show and is eager to replicate them and their magic. He and his daughter invite town dungus and petrol pump attendant “Tank” to live with them, so that they can utilise his amazing wood carving talents to carve Magrew a new puppet. Things quickly turn to shit as these things do when puppets are involved, and Tank finds himself caught in the middle of it all with Magrew’s daughter falling for him and town bullies giving him shtick to boot.
Verdict: This film had everything against it from the get go. The budget was tighter than previous instalments due to a loss of additional funding from Paramount, and series' special effects veteran David Allen was no longer involved. What you’re then left with is the first in a long line of downgraded sequels that just aren’t up to scratch with the first five instalments.
Puppet screen time and filming suffers drastically without the help of Allen, which possibly accounts for the lacklustre death scenes as well. None of the characters stand out enough to save the film either, with its strongest offering being Tank, who gives the film a sort of Forrest Gump vibe, overcoming all odds to win the girl’s heart. (Me Tank, you Jane!)
The bullies would have been more at home in a high school setting, but they’re clearly meant to be in their late twenties and are too fucking old to be pulling the shit they do, also the bully leader’s charming attempt at putting across “I am going to rape you” leads to a satisfying death later on when Tunneller drills straight into his dick. Awesome.
The film has a few saving graces, but nothing tops the ending, which gives you little to no preparation for the shit it lays on you at breakneck speed, before cutting to black. Seriously, the movie is worth watching in full just for the ending, which feels like the best punchline to the most long-winded joke ever written.
Pros:
- Good plot that perhaps required better execution.
- Most puppet action is taken from archive footage.
-Tunneller drilled a guy’s dick and it was cool.
- The fate of Magrew’s old assistant is also pretty cool.
- There’s a couple of good yet unintentional laughs to be had.
- That fucking ending.
Cons:
- The execution is bland as balls.
- The dialogue is stupid, though not as stupid as others.
- The puppets seem to take a backseat to Tank and Jane’s love story.
- It just does its own thing and doesn’t really seem to have much relevance to films before or after it (what the fuck happened to Ricky after V?).
- The film suffers from the tightened budget.
- No David Allen behind the special effects.
- Marks a point in the series where the Puppets come across as props rather than characters. - There is constantly lightning and it’s irritating as fuck. Ranking : C-
Puppet Master VII – Retro Puppet Master (1999)
Plot: While hiding out at the Swiss border Toulson finds the head of an old puppet from his heydays and regales the puppets with a tale of his past. The story details his time as a young puppeteer in Paris where he meets his wife to be Elsa and is given the magical power to bring his then puppets to life, which he must use to fight off an evil trio of mummies sent to take back the formula which was stolen from their demon master.
Verdict: It’s hard to talk about the good aspects of Retro Puppet Master, mostly because there aren’t any. The main selling point to this film is that it delves further back into Toulon’s history, though to a point in his life nobody could’ve given any less of a shit about. To even allow for a Puppet Master film to be set at this point in Toulon’s life, the writers had to entirely scrap the account of Toulon and Elsa obtaining the life formula in Cairo in 1912, and instead have an Egyptian sorcerer give it to him in 1902 Paris. Apparently though this wasn’t a big enough beacon for the writers to stop and rethink their setting for this film, nor was the fact the series’ main puppets would not exist yet, meaning the film stars retro/shit versions of them instead.
You’ve then got Egyptian mummies that dress as regular henchmen and continually repeat whatever sentence the first fucking faux-mummy said, there’s characters that have less emotion and charisma than the bland “new” puppets, and there’s minimal action throughout. In fact there is absolutely no gore in this film whatsoever, and any action scenes consist of the mummies firing criminally dull “magic charges” at anyone who crosses their path. It might come across sadistic to discredit a film for its gore content, but in a series where one of the characters is continually running at people’s heads and drilling through their skulls you come to expect certain things.
All in all this is a terrible movie, and an incredibly terrible Puppet Master movie. The Puppet Master films have not always been great with continuity, but Retro Puppet Master tops them all with its blatant disregard for crucial source material. Other films on this list have taken similar liberties sure, but due to good stories, great action and memorable characters they can be forgiven, but this film offers none of that. Oh and the guy who plays Mark in The Room plays the young Toulon, enjoy.
Pros:
- There’s mummies…kinda.
- There’s a further insight into Toulon’s life, if you’re really interested in that.
- The 43:50 mark.
Cons:
- None of the staple puppets get any legitimate screen time.
- There’s no violence or gore.
- The acting and effects are atrocious.
- The story is dull, taking elements from other instalments.
- The puppets used are dull predecessors to the series favourites.
- Young Toulon doesn’t resemble any Toulon from the series.
Ranking : F - -
Puppet Master VIII – The Legacy
Plot: Agent Maclain is trying to uncover Toulon’s secrets for the puppets and their seemingly immortal lives. Searching the Bodega Inn she finds a man named Eric in the basement with the remaining puppets, who tells her the full legacy of the puppets and the puppet masters.
Verdict: This film is a clip show, as in it is literally the formula of a TV clip show, only for the Puppet Master series. There’s probably about 30 minutes of new footage, and the rest of the movie is just archive footage spliced together to make a montage of “best bits” that tie in with whatever theme the characters are talking about before the cutaway.
The film is also supposed to work as a fix up of the series’ shaky timeline, laying down exactly what should now be the definitive plot to all the whole series from this point onward. There’s still a few hiccups however, as Legacy openly acknowledges films that have contradictions to this new timeline, though continuity is a hazy subject in the Puppet Master series anyway so it’s somewhat fitting they failed here.
In brief this makes for an overall pointless inclusion to the series. While it might be nice that the producers tried to straighten everything out for us, it still leaves blatant continuity errors, which were worsened by the two later sequels as well. There’s no real need to bother with these extra 30 minutes of new footage either as their primary purpose is to string together the archive footage, and if you want to watch a few best of clips from the series I’m sure YouTube can sort you out. The closing message was quite touching, though.
Pros:
- Relive some of the best scenes from the previous seven films, and some rubbish ones as well.
- Attempts to make sense of the series’ muddled timeline.
- The producers’ acknowledgement and thanking of the casts and crews of the series was a nice thought.
Cons:
- It’s a clip show movie.
- 30 minutes of pointless new material.
- The acting is a tad try-hard.
- Barely a need for its inclusion in the series. Ranking : F
Puppet Master Vs Demonic Toys (2004)
Plot: Fox had Alien vs. Predator. New Line had Freddy vs. Jason. SyFy Channel had Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys. Head of Sharpe Toy Co. Erica Sharpe is out to distribute her demonic toys to every household before Christmas so demons can take over them and kill all the children on Christmas morning, and it’s up to the great grand-nephew of Andre Toulon and his now souped up puppets to take them down and save Christmas.
Verdict: This film is exactly what you’d expect from a SyFy Channel film. Moronic plot fleshed out with piss-poor jokes in the place of adequate dialogue, but with one sweet-spot feature that prevents you from truly hating the film. In this film’s case, it’s Corey-fucking-Feldman playing Toulon’s great grand-nephew Robert, a balls to the wall crazy mother fucker with a sort of Giorgio Tsoukalos thing going on with his hair.
Simply put, Robert makes this film. Not the puppets, not the demonic toys, just Robert. The guy is clearly rolling 24/7, and comes with the mental stability of Charlie Sheen from his “winning” days and the throat of Christian Bale from the Dark Knight series. He’s on a one-man mission to save Christmas and everyone’s along for the ride, including a police officer he somehow manages to seduce even after acting like someone who’s just come home from a Noisia gig. In fact any female excluding his daughter can’t seem to help themselves around Robert, as even the bastardly evil Erica Sharpe can’t help but take time out of her very tight schedule to try and fuck him, which inadvertently costs her eternal damnation in the fiery pits of Hell.
Robert aside though the film is nothing special. The puppets and demonic toys don’t tangle until the big climax and even then it’s a snooze fest, and in term of screen time the demonic toys win hands down. I suppose though the writers had to prioritise scenes of Baby Oopsie Daisy farting over everything else, which is understandable because farts are very, very funny. I should have scored this film less for not ending on a fart, but I will be lenient.
Pros:
- Robert Toulon is a mad cunt.
- Robert Toulon is Corey Feldman, Corey Feldman is Robert Toulon.
- Its non-canon so at least the ridiculous shit they bring into the mix doesn’t affect the rest of the series.
- “Mercy sex”.
- This is a film where Corey Feldman saves Christmas.
Cons:
- A pointless film in the series unless you’re a die-hard fan.
- The puppets are benched until the big climax.
- Unnecessarily corny and unfunny gags do not substitute dialogue of any kind.
- The puppets looked haggard as fuck. I lied, the fart jokes weren’t funny at all.
- The cutaways to the Christmas countdown are jarring and ruin the pace.
Puppet Master IX – Axis of Evil (2010)
Plot: After Toulon’s suicide, hotel worker Danny Coogan is able to sneak his puppets back home with him, where he discovers the secret to bring them to life. Unable to enlist in in the army for World War II because of a limp, his dreams of killing un-American scum grind to a halt. That is until he uncovers a plot by Nazi and Japanese spies to blow up the factory his girlfriend works at, and when she is kidnapped and his family are murdered Danny must use the power of the puppets to save the day, his girl, and America.
Verdict: Axis of Evil starts out promising enough, but all hope is lost within fifteen minutes run-time when we are first introduced to Danny's douchebag brother, Don. The moment Danny and Don begin to open up dialogue with each other it heralds in the crushing realisation that this is not going to make for pleasurable viewing. Everything Don says causes him to come across as a painfully unfunny wanker, and all Danny can ever contribute to the conversation is his constant whining about how he’s unable to enlist in the army because of polio leaving him with a limp.
Fuck me man, Danny and that fucking limp. Prepare thine self, for he ensures both the cast and audience are aware of it for the entirety of the film, to the point where even the other characters start to get pissed off with hearing it.
When he isn’t doing that Danny joins other characters in making unnecessarily patriotic statements or racist passing comments about the Germans and the Japanese (and the Chinese, for some reason) and how evil they are and such. The first few times you could probably pass it off as a lazy writers’ attempt to capture the “it was a different time we were at war” setting of the film, but eventually it’s apparent everyone is just an arsehole.
If that weren't enough to put you off, the puppets are also given a downgrade in Axis of Evil, and as a result feature next to no animation, aside from what appears to be the crew holding their feet off screen and bobbing them about a bit. It’s a shame since the puppets often have a lot of personality when handled right, whereas here they’re essentially treated as props by both the cast and crew. It’s still more watchable than seven, though.
Pros:
- Has a promising 15 minutes.
- On paper the plot isn’t too bad.
- The hotel scenes blend quite well with the archive footage.
- Leech Woman returns and actually spits up some leeches!
- There’s some decent enough gory moments.
- Ninja puppet.
- It’s more watchable than seven.
- The opening theme was updated and wasn’t fucked up too bad.
Cons:
- The puppets look like cheap knockoffs.
- Some of the worst Puppet Master acting ever.
- The puppets are borderline stationary throughout the film.
- The lead Nazi has an American accent.
- The overly American dick-pumping starts grating pretty fast.
Ranking : E
Puppet Master X – Axis Rising (2012)
Plot: Taking place straight after Axis of Evil, Danny and Beth set out to rescue Tunneller, who has been handed over to the Nazis. Meanwhile Dr. Freuhoffer is being forced to work on the resurrection project under the supervision of horny Nazi babe Uschi. When Uschi is killed and Freuhoffer brings her to back as a puppet, it marks his success and he gets busy building a puppet army from the secrets harnessed from Tunneller. Cue puppet war, Danny cries about enlisting, then America wins.
Verdict: Axis Rising was up until this point the best sequel following the four-year hiatus, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a piece of shit. It follows on almost instantly after the events of Axis of Evil but with a brand new set of actors portraying Danny and Beth, who are just as abysmal at acting as the originals. Danny is still obsessed with joining the army, a statement he once again makes with a vengeance at any fucking opportunity he can take, usually when someone isn’t busy saying “America”.
In fact the Americanisms are further amplified this time round, with every character who is not a Nazi taking time out of their hectic day to tell each other just how much they get a raging hard on over America. There’s so much cringe-inducing patriotism crammed into every orifice of this movie that it’s hard to tell if the writers were poking fun at war-time patriotism, but I’m doubtful they were. I would suggest a drinking game based on how often you hear “Kraut”, “Nazis”, “America”, and “I want to enlist” but I can guarantee it would be a game with no winners.
And then, there’s Kamikaze. Kamikaze is a new puppet created by Freuhoffer, and he is a puppet fashioned after the 30s racial stereotype of a Japanese man, with a comically oversized bomb and timer strapped to his chest. Any time Kamikaze attempts to address other characters he just shouts out Japanese sounding gibberish in an aggressive manner, which is all kinds of not okay. He is also the most useless puppet to date, as his main feature is blowing himself up, which is only really a one-time use kinda deal.
Pros:
- The most entertaining/least shit of the sequels.
- Some cool new puppets (minus the obvious one).
- Horny Nazis galore.
- Boob guns.
- The puppets have a little more movement and action this time round.
- The Nazis actually have German accents this time.
- Feels like the producers really did try with this one.
- The effects are a little better.
- The credits looked pretty cool.
Cons:
- Kamikaze.
- Puppets look continually downgraded.
- Still a slacked effort.
- Acting is at an all-time low.
- Different actors playing the lead roles is instantly noticeable.
- The patriotic tone grates just as hard as Axis of Evil.
Ranking : D
Puppet Master XI – Axis Termination (2017)
Plot: The Axis saga is drawn to a close in spectacular fashion, as the puppets from the Axis and Allies sides must do battle once again, with the very future of the free world in their hands. Following the death of Danny and Beth, we now follow a recently discharged American GI named Brooks, who alongside the puppets must answer to a secret operative of masterful physics, as they try to bring down the secret Nazi group hiding in their homeland once and for all.
Verdict: Honestly? It was alright. Sure there is a certain level of quality that remains out of reach without that sweet, sweet Paramount money, but with some passion, a can-do attitude, and some crowd-sourcing, Full Moon managed to craft a fairly competent end to the otherwise abysmal Axis saga. Best of all though, the film sees Danny and Beth off'd in the opening scene, a huge relief for anyone unwilling to listen to Danny talk about his fucking limp one more time.
The story is as daft and camp as ever, and the exploitation vibe of the franchise's early days makes a huge return. Exploitation buffs will notice the lighting in the film is very reminiscent of Italian Giallo films, a welcomed feature as it showcases that the minds behind this instalment viewed it as more than just a simple cash cow. With exploitation generally comes shoddy acting sure, but Puppet Master has never shied away from using bad actors, so there's nothing new here.
The new protagonist Brook may not whinge as much as Danny did, but he is an absolute misery arse and occasionally a bit of a prick which could be viewed to be just as bad as his predecessor's behaviour. Frankly though, the one to watch from the Allies' side is Dr Ivan. Ivan is a vampire hunting psychic dwarf with a formidable fashion sense and sharp attitude to boot. Best of all? Ivan isn't even an original character. He has featured in a number of Full Moon films, most notably as a character in Evil Bong, as one of the victims trapped inside the Bong World. But enough about evil bongs, we're here to talk about puppets fighting Nazis, dammit. On the Axis side we have a number of interesting faces, most notably Oberheller Friede Steitze, a psychotic little madam who has elixir-containing syringes for fingers, which she injects into unsuspecting Nazi soldiers she picks up at the local whorehouse, where she is known as something of a prize dominatrix to the unsuspecting punters. Why does she inject Nazis if she herself is a Nazi? Well, Nazis are evil, aren't they? Why would they be kind to one another? Keep up, guys. The other Nazis are all gleefully evil and villainous in their own rights, and of course they all have physic powers, which is why they were all originally sent to America, you see. To use their psychic powers to steal Allied secrets for the Fuhrer.
In brief, Axis Termination may not be quite in league with the original five Puppet Master outings, but y'know what? It's a fuckin' close call.
Pros:
- The best and final part of the Axis Saga.
- Dr Ivan.
- The best of the Nazi puppets return, including the Nazi werewolf puppet!
- A cast that leans more towards competent than abysmal.
- The puppet animation is some of the best it's been in a long time.
- The crazy ass German chick with syringe fingers.
- Giallo-inspired lighting is always a nice touch.
- No more fuckin' Danny.
Cons:
- The acting is, well, what it is.
- Brooke.
- The tone is just a little too on the silly side, even for a film about Puppets fighting Nazis.
- Where's Torch at, yo?
Ranking : C
Puppet Master XII - The Littlest Reich (2018)
Plot: Recent divorcee Edgar returns to his childhood home, ready to start his life anew from the very beginning. During his stay he finds a Blade doll in mint condition, and upon hearing there is an auction for any original Toulon puppets at a local hotel, he decides to sell it for a quick buck. His friends Ashley and Markowitz tag along for the trip, but quickly regret the decision when all hell breaks loose. A mysterious power brings the puppets back to life, and it's up to Edgar and co. to find the source and bring it to a permanent end. Verdict: With the prequel Axis Saga proving to be a big honking pile of nothing, the powers that be decided that, like many other stale film franchises that have come before, Puppet Master needed a reboot, and a possible whole new saga. Littlest Reich is exactly that, and all in all it wasn't that bad of a watch. In fact I covered it briefly in my 2018 In Review article last year, not that this is relevant here but hey, when it comes to shameless plugs you take what you can get.
So the puppets are back to being evil little bastards, in fact this time around they are quite possibly the most evil they've ever been. That's right, Blade and his posse have fallen to the Nazi regime, and boy are they strict on the whole "master race" thing. Unfortunately for the auctioneers, some of their members are indeed Jewish, black, gay, and other Nazi no-no's, and thus find themselves at the mercy of these fascist little dolls, and boy do they take pride in their craft.
I'd say Littlest Reich might very well be the most gruesome of the series to date, featuring some of the most balls to the walls executions I've seen in Puppet Master films and beyond. One particular moment, in which a drone puppet attacks a man taking a leak, is now up there as one of the greatest Puppet Master moments, in my opinion. Speaking of which, the puppet roster is also pretty neat, featuring a few oddities such as a baby Hitler puppet and a grasshopper puppet, but also a racist depiction of a Jew puppet aptly named Money Lender, I suppose because Kamikaze from X wasn't bad enough.
What frustrates me about the film though is that it just misses the mark of making it into the big leagues with the best of the best. Some of the lines can be groan-inducing, such as Edgar declaring Nazi puppets to have been useful to the Nazi regime as they could allegedly find Anne Frank very easily, apparently. This comedic tone steers it ever so slightly in the wrong direction for what makes a good Puppet Master film, but hey, overall, it's a good start to a new era.
Pros:
- Gorehounds will feel very spoilt for the banquet of blood bestowed upon them.
- Toulon is an evil Nazi zombie villain once again, though nowhere near as charismatic as he is in part II.
- A welcomed step in the right direction for future films.
- Possibly the best acting of the franchise.
- The puppet animation is top notch once again.
- The toilet decapitation scene.
- A plot worth following.
- They got the guy who did the soundtrack to Fulci's films in to do theirs!
Cons:
- Markowitz is a bit of a chump.
- Come on guys, Money Lender?
- No Dr. Ivan.
Ranking : B
So there you have it, folks. That's the Puppet Master film summed up in a neat little package, with recommendations ton what to watch and what to avoid. It's certainly an exciting time to get started too; there's a Blade spin-off film planned for 2020, and another instalment entitled "Aryans Ahoy!", which is yet to announce anything but the title.
Sure it doesn't have the glitz and glamour of the MCU or the likes, but hey, killer Nazi puppets guys fighting Egyptian Demons and zombies? Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
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