Welcome to the halls of justice at TTWAAR's supreme court. Here, we shall deliberate and analyse a collection of folk that, by all accounts, should be considered rad dudes and dudettes, but are denied such praise by also being capable of some pretty heinous behaviour. So join us as we judge the accused for both their merit and their downfalls, as we decide whether or not they are worthy of being people of whom are also rad, or if they're just people of whom are also bad.
Billy Mitchell
Why is he rad?
Way back before the days of e-sports tournaments and let's play channels, there was little one could do to become famous from playing video games. Sure a few kids might be local legends on your street or in your class for beating Shang Tsung in Mortal Kombat, or maybe your brother's friend's cousin totally had that cheat code to make Lara Croft naked, but there was nothing that came close to worldwide fame - that is, unless you had a high score verified by Twin Galaxies, one of the first official suppliers of authentic high scores and world records.
When Life Magazine printed a spread on a select few champions back in 1981, Billy Mitchell was amongst the few, due to him holding the world record for Donkey Kong. Legend has it that at this meeting of kings, Mitchell challenged another "record holder" he believed to be a cheat, and sure enough, Billy wiped the floor with him and made him admit to his fraudulent ways. A few years later, Billy would break more world records, including ones for Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man, Donkey Kong Jr., and BurgerTime, cementing him not only as one of the greatest arcade players of all time, but also earnt him a place on the Twin Galaxies board of referees.
But Billy is a jack of all rad trades, so to merely coast through life living off the fame of his videogame scores is simply not on option. And boy, does Billy have a cool job. He runs the family business, Rickey's World Famous Restaurant chain, and also creates and distributes Rickey's World Famous Hot Sauce. So let's just tally up this man's CV briefly - he's a professional videogame player, he owns a restaurant chain, and also sells hot sauces. It's a no-brainer as to why Billy pops up then on the rad spectrum.
But wait, there's more - have you seen how this motherfucker dresses? Shirt tucked into the trousers, an overly patriotic tie, and then to top it all he's got this long luscious hair and rad dude beard to boot. Fuck man, he's got the look, he's got the job, he's got the charm - what's the catch?
Why is he bad?
Turns out there is a very, very big catch when it comes to Mr. Mitchell. Let's start off with those video game high-scores, and more so, let's delve into the history of Billy's scores, their challengers, and his work at Twin Galaxies.
Let's not beat around the bush here - Billy's scores are fraudulent. After an investigation last year, it was discovered that Billy's scores had all been achieved on emulator software rather than official and authentic arcade software. This led to all of Billy's scores being removed from Twin Galaxies and also the Guinness World Records, and a ban on him ever submitting future scores. It's widely considered this investigation was a result of the shady behaviour of Mitchell in the 2007 documentary King of Kong : A Fistful of Quarters, but how did it take 11 years for someone to do something? Simple - if you've watched the documentary (and if you haven't, shame on you) you'll be fully aware that Billy is a master manipulator, a man with a plan who is always three steps ahead of the competition, and apparently also the officials. Not that Billy faced much questioning from his peers at Twin Galaxies, as you can imagine a bunch of dudes in charge of keeping video game scores are not exactly the most confident or bold of men, so with a charismatic and authoritative like Billy on the scene, he is naturally able to keep everyone in check and on side.
This led to some of the documentary's most notable events, such as Billy and co. turning up at challenger and I suppose protagonist Steve Weibe's house to take apart his Donkey Kong cabinet to look for flaws, before denying him the score stating he would need to be seen winning the score live. So when Steve agrees to travel across the country to play at Twin Galaxy's own arcade, again taking the high-score, Billy orchestrates possibly one of the biggest douchebag moves imaginable, by having a videotape of him hitting 1,000,000 delivered at the exact moment Steve earnt his lesser score, thus instantly reinstating his score via a taped score and humiliating Steve, despite breaking the alleged rules he cited to prevent Steve earning his original score. What an absolute piece of shit you are, Billy Mitchell.
We find the defendant...
Bad. It doesn't matter how cool you dress, or how good your hot sauces and chicken wings are, there is no forgiving such despicable acts of badness that Billy has committed. It's one thing to abuse your power to protect your own legacy, but to then be outed as a hypocrite of that magnitude, to commit every sin that you yourself laid down as sin, that's fucked up, man. Billy, fuck you, you are not rad. You are bad.
Glenn Danzig
Why is he rad?
Glenn Danzig is the mastermind behind the original and arguably the best lineup of iconic horror punk band The Misfits, in which he was the vocalist and songwriter, contributing such zingers as I Turned Into A Martian, Last Caress, Bullet, and Attitude to the band's catalogue. The Misfits proved too small for Danzig's musical ambitions however, and so in 1983 he quit the band to start his new, more metal leaning project, Samhiah. The name didn't stick however, and eventually it was re-named to the instantly recognisable Danzig.
Danzig's ambitions do not dwell within just the world of punk and metal however friends, oh no, in fact Danzig has branched out into all manner of rad projects, of which we shall of course explore here. Firstly he has his own comic book series, named Verotik, which is meant to be a mash-up of the words erotica and violence, so the content of these comics should be fairly self explanatory. He has also recently adapted his comics into a film of the same name, which became known as the horror genre's answer to The Room at film festival screenings, and despite this Danzig is still pushing ahead with a Halloween worldwide release.
Danzig is also a big fan of martial arts, he has a discipline in Jeet Kune Do, and also practices Muay Thai, meaning anyone who has ever considered getting up on stage to stage dive should watch the fuck out, though we'll have more on that later. Just to round up the positives for now though, Danzig was one of the original choices for Wolverine in the X-Men but turned it down for more metal matters, he voiced himself in an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and he's working on a Vampire Spaghetti Western film and an Elvis cover album.
Can you imagine Danzig singing In The Ghetto? Dope as fuuuuuuck.
Why is he bad?
Danzig is a huge prick. Even if you're not a fan of Danzig and are not aware of his personal life, it only really takes one look at the photo we have included of him to make you go "yeah, this guy looks like a bit of a wanker".
Let's tackle Danzig's biggest issue - he's a violent, angry, aggressive meathead, who demands everything be done his way, and will resort to fists and shouting if this is challenged. This is most well documented in early Misfits and Danzig days, however even to this day Danzig can't help himself getting into fights with the audience. Danzig has often made the mistake of unleashing his violent temperament on people he works with, though this has more times than not gone horribly wrong for him, you'll be glad to hear.
Danzig has also gone on record defending President Trump, severing those final strands of punk cred he had to his name from his Misfits days. It's no surprise though that Danzig would be a Trump supporter given both men's childish antics in order to please only themselves, though admittedly Danzig's outbursts don't tend to affect the entirety of the USA and beyond, so I suppose there's that.
We find the defendant...
It is with a heavy heart that we must find Danzig to be bad, and not rad. Let it be known though that the heart is heavy due to the incredible music Danzig has bestowed upon us over the years, and rightfully so a person would always rather idolise and praise the creator of such great contributions, however in Danzig's case this simply cannot be.
Honestly, it's a miracle that Danzig agreed to release Verotika to a worldwide audience, because boy is he not the kinda guy who likes to be laughed at. My only assumption is that he's hoping his core fans will see it and give it the praise he desires, when in reality, we all just want to see what train-wreck this man-baby has managed to back out onto a bunch of cheap DVDs.
I dunno, every so often Danzig does show some signs of self-awareness, like surely he must've realised his overly metal persona was being lampooned in his Aqua Teens appearance, but at the same time, you can't help but think maybe he is just that up his own arse that he can't see what an absolute chump the world views him as.
Also let us never forget this phenomenal Facebook post he put out this year.
Hunter S. Thompson
Why is he Rad?
Hunter S Thompson is the father of gonzo journalism, a writing genre in which the reporter finds themselves as the protagonist of the piece, often participating in the events of the reported event. His most famous of this style of writing is of course the incredible book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, which consists of semi factual/semi fictional events, though good luck declaring which is which. There is also his Hell's Angels book, which documents time he spent living with a group of Hell's Angels bikers, though this time all events were stated as factual.
Hunter's other infamy includes running for sheriff in Pitkin County, Colorado, under the promises that he would decriminalise drugs and rename Aspen "Fat City", amongst other things. Incidentally Hunter also vowed to disarm all police officers, despite the fact that he was a huge fan of guns and explosives. One particular anecdote that plays in nicely here is a time when Johnny Depp was staying with Hunter whilst getting into his role for the Fear and Loathing film - Depp was sleeping in the basement, and whilst lighting a cigarette he was suddenly aware his sleeping quarters was full of TNT, something Hunter never thought to mention to Depp.
But Hunter wasn't just an eccentric cool guy, he also had some very commendable views. He was highly vocal against the Vietnam war and Nixon's presidency, and was an avid supporter of civil rights. A byproduct of the 60s counterculture, Hunter was also no stranger to drug use, and this love of drugs played in significantly with his work. The detailing of the drugs in his suitcase in Fear and Loathing is probably one of the few elements of the novel we can believe to be factual.
He also once went to interview Keith Richards at his hotel room, but when Keith refused to answer the door as he wouldn't receive enough money for the interview, Hunter played the sounds of animal dying through a megaphone to lure him out, and bagged his interview.
Why is he bad?
It goes without saying that Hunter was a bit of a nut job, but as entertaining as nut jobs can be, they can be capable of some very questionable actions. Hunter is no stranger to this rule of thumb, and we shall outline some of these actions here.
Hunter's biggest offence is probably what a shitty neighbour he was to live next to. After an on-going spat with one neighbour reached a head in 1985, Hunter gathered a group of locals to shoot up the man's house. Admittedly Hunter was aware the man wouldn't be home from local gossip, however there was no guarantee of this when Hunter opened fire. The attack was also the result of the neighbour building huge concrete walls and pitfalls around his property and using tigers as guards, but still man, god damn. In a less justifiable incident however, Hunter nailed a boar's head to another neighbour's door and left entrails in their car, all because he didn't like that they were Christian. He was even filmed getting into a gunfight with third neighbour.
We covered that Hunter was an avid gun enthusiast, however his membership to the NRA will no doubt raise eyebrows and shudder opinions some people may have of him. Hunter was in favour of gun control, however his views on gun control do pale majorly in comparison to his rabid gun support, and nothing speaks more volume of this than the previously referenced gun misuse Hunter had been involved in in his life. Animal rights don't seem to click with Hunter, as previously mentioned he saw no issue in using animal carcasses for obscene purposes, but there is also the incident in which he bought ivory in Africa and attempted to smuggle it home.
Oh and he was a 9/11 conspiracy theorist.
We find the defendant...
Y'know what? We're gonna give Hunter a pass here. Despite some of his actions being highly questionable, the dude is still rad as shit. Though we focused much heavier on the more batshit tales in the pro-Hunter argument, reading up on him will see you uncovering moments of genuine decency throughout his life. Remember his Hell's Angels book? Well while living with the bikers he witnessed the group's psycho, Junkie George, savagely beating his girlfriend and her dog. Hunter was infuriated by this, and stepped in to intervene, resulting in a savage beating from not only Junkie but the rest of the bikers, too.
Fuck, dude, Hunter might have done some bad shit in his time, but who of us is a saint? Exactly, so now we're on a level playing field, now ask yourself - would I stand up to a bunch of Hell's Angels bikers? I'm gonna assume a large percentage of you would say fuck no, and it's for that that we can exonerate Hunter for his bads.
I mean really, the guy spent most of his time off his head, he was never going to St Peter, was he?
Marlon Brando
Why is he rad?
Brandon was an incredible actor and all, but that's not enough to make him rad. What makes him rad is what an absolute bad-ass he was. He was once kicked out of school for riding a motorbike through the halls, and after getting sent to military school, he broke into the bell tower and stole the clapper, burying it for good measure.
The lust to fuck with folk wasn't simply teenage growing pains, either, in fact Brando's style of trolling seemed to only get better with age like the finest of wines. Following his peak as a highly sought actor he became notorious for his insane on-set demands, demands which were often met to keep him on set. Case in point - he made multiple demands on the set of The Island of Dr. Moreau and he got every single damn one.
These demands included being painted completely white and having an ice bucket on his head, and having a dwarf actor he met on set and grew fond of be in every shot with him, even with matching costumes. That scene in Austin Powers with Mini Me playing a mini piano on top of Dr Evil's? Brando made it happen in Dr. Moreau first. He also attempted to persuade the director of Superman into replacing his character with a talking suitcase that he'd just provide voiceover work for, but failed. Though he did read his dialogue off of Superman's nappy.
Brando was also a huge force behind the civil rights movement, even dropping out of a film role following the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. to focus entirely on the civil rights movement. Whilst filming Mutiny on the Bounty, he fell in love with the Tahitians and their way of life, so bought one of their islands and built labs for students to study and protect the marine life around the island.
He also loved Beavis and Butthead, and would often sit and do the laugh to himself on set, even going as far as recruiting other actors to play the Beavis to his Butthead.
Why is he bad? Unfortunately, despite his contributions to civil rights and the humorous stories of his antics behind the scenes, Brando was a fucking asshole. One wouldn't need to dig deep into Brando's past to find some ugly truths that propel him well out of the realm of lovable asshole and straight into horrendous asshole territory.
I'd say there is one notable story that trumps all else, and essentially condemns Brando to the depths of badness, and that is the rape scene in Last Tango in Paris. Though the rape scene itself was simulated, Brando lubricating the then 19 year old Maria Schneider was very genuine. Worst of all, Brando and the director had decided on this moment outside of the script, and so Maria only found out it would be happening when she showed up on set that day.
In fact, shit, I'm pretty sure we can just cut this trial short.
We find the defendant...
Bad. Also he used racial slurs a lot and claimed Jews ran Hollywood. Optimal bad.
GG Allin
Why is he rad?
The debate on what is punk is a whole can of worms we won't be getting into, but a large deal of people will say that GG Allin, real name Jesus Christ Allin, is unanimously punk. GG had a pretty fucked upbringing, and from that upbringing came a very angry man who seemed to have had his anger bottled up for a very long time, when one day he just decided to explode on stage in the most literal of terms.
What I mean is GG Allen used to drink whiskey and take laxatives before his shows to do big wet shits on stage that he'd then roll around in and throw at people, amongst other things.
This is what makes GG so punk though, he took the ideologies of the music and took them to absolute highs, distancing himself from the more mainstream and safe direction punk was starting to take. Do we not go to punk shows to release our aggression from things we're pissed off about? Of course we do, that's kinda the backbone of punk, and it's the same reason people went to GG's shows, only there was a slight twist when it came to his shows. GG was angry at EVERYTHING, including himself and the audience, and he made sure to show that in the most direct way possible. This of course meant only the "hard-core" punx were brave enough to go to his shows, while the casuals could stick to The Ramones.
Why is he bad? The problem with the argument for GG's rad credibility is that they focus more on the idea of GG being rad rather than the man himself. Well it should be no surprise that a man who got up on stage to cut himself excessively, shit everywhere, and beat the shit out of people would be a bit of a psychopath off stage.
To get the ball rolling, he was a pen pal of renowned killer clown John Wayne Gacey, and the two became such good friends that Gacey painted a bunch of paintings and had them auctioned off to fund the production of a documentary on GG. Incidentally, GG said multiple times in interviews that if he hadn't become a "successful" "musician", he would most likely have become a serial killer, so it's a no-brainer as to how this friendship spawned.
GG also had a taste for teenage girls, having an affair with one such girl named Tracy Deneault, resulting in the birth of his first child. When he died at 36 he was dating a 17 year old girl, too. His taste in younger women also led to his infamous Jerry Springer Show appearance in 1993.
Simply put, GG Allin was filth in human form. We find the defendant...
The idea of GG might be pretty rad, but GG himself is bad through and through. The sad truth is what you see when you watch a GG Allin show is a man who was abused in every sense of the word as a boy, growing up jaded and twisted and unable to exist properly within society. What we have here is the orca whale which has been locked up in the small tanks of Sea World for so long that it lashes out at its captors, and much like GG, I'm sure the whales at Sea World would totally fuck the audience up if given the chance.
So sure, GG's stage show might be some kind've intense and interactive live art performance, but that doesn't account for the bad things GG did to upkeep that show.
So that's your lot, folks. I might do another round up of rad/bad, I might not, but for now we can most earnestly say, justice has been done.
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