I feel like I should maybe avoid opening my annual wrap ups by stating how shit the year has been. I am now adamant every time I do I seem to doom myself to a year even worse than the last, but I feel I can't go forward without at least saying - holy shit, what the hell was that?
At least it's almost over now thank fuck, though we'll see what exciting new circles of Hell 2021 is no doubt preparing for us.
Moving on swiftly however - films. I have seen films this year, as you will soon see. The last two years that I've done these HOW I SPENT X write ups I've tried to be fairly professional in my approach to summarising the year in film, games, music, and TV, but I tell ya hu'wat - I cannot be fucked with that shit this year.
So here's the new tradition for my end of year reviews - I just tell you what I watched or played, what I thought of it, regardless of whether it was released this year or not, and you're gonna read it and go - wow, what an insightful and humorous perspective, I should share this with like-minded friends.
Okay? Okay. Here we go.
| Andre the Giant |
Andre the Giant was a pretty cool dude, so learning how sad he was throughout his whole life was a bit of a bummer. I know a lot of biopics really try to play up the whole tragic backstory of their focused pundit, but Andre's tale genuinely is a bit of a gut punch. Or a suplex, if you will.
Throughout various talking head segments the true life of Andre is revealed, showcasing just how lonely and removed he was from people, told to us by what you would call his closest friends, all of whom were colleagues, all of whom have some heavy stuff to detail.
After seeing just how bad Andre was towards the end, a state he let himself fall into to keep his career going, it really hits home what a great and dedicated guy he was.
Should I watch it? Yes, give the big man some love.
| Banana Splits Movie |
So if you didn't know The Banana Splits were a fictional band from the 70s made by Hanna-Barbera for a live action show called, you guessed it, The Banana Splits Show. Fast forward nearly half a century and The Banana Splits now have their own film, though with a bit of a tonal shift.
Either some genius or some monster (depending on your relationship with the show) decided to create a horror movie in a sort've Five Nights at Freddy's kinda vein where The Banana Splits Show is still running and the characters are actually highly intelligent robots who get all fucked up when they find out they've been cancelled and go on a murderous rampage.
It's silly and gruesome, and walks that fine line of playing it straight but not taking itself too seriously, though without constantly feeling the need to give you the ol' nudge nudge wink wink in reminding you this is all a bit of fun.
And I gotta say, even if you're not all that familiar with the characters its still a joyous watch.
Should I watch it? If you like your horror comedies to have an absurd premise with some grisly death scenes to prop it up, you're in business here.
| Bill and Ted Face the Music |
Hey it's that film I wrote an article about this year.
Following on from everything I said in that article, and of course you all read it, I can safely say Bill and Ted Face the Music was excellent. Not most excellent, but mostly excellent.
Alex Winter seemed to carry the film for the most part, bringing Bill Preston Esquire to life once again with flawless execution, whereas I honestly wasn't that impressed with Keanu Reeve's portrayal of his esteemed colleague Ted. It's like the dude just can't go back to that puppy dog awe that Ted once exhibited after spending so much time in serious roles, which kinda sucks.
Overall however all of my worries were put to rest upon watching what was an enjoyable time travel romp that got a few good laughs out of me. The pacing was a bit off as they seemed to have too many ideas to condense down to the short run time, and some of the CG sets looked large and empty, but that's about all I've got to gripe about.
Most triumphant.
Should I watch it? Yes waaaay.
| Borat 2 |
Great success.
Should you watch it? MAH WIFE
| Colour Out of Space |
It's nice to see Richard Stanley return to filmmaking after Val Kilmer ruined his life. To say the guy has been away from the camera for so long makes the success of Colour Out of Space all the more impressive, as Stanley goes hard on what he knows best - weirdness.
Colour Out of Space is very weird, as to be expected given it's based on a Lovecraft short. Visually it's absolutely stunning, with some incredible practical effects that really crank up the body horror elements of the story, often looking like something you'd find right at home in The Thing.
Nicholas Cage breaks out the crazy, however the crazy is a slowburn affair, being sipped and enjoyed like a fine wine, snowballing his character further into insanity and explanative-riddled outbursts as the effect of the film's main threat really begins to take a hold of his family. I really hope this isn't the last we've seen of Stanley, because it's incredible to have him back in the business.
Should I watch it? This is a fantastic sci-fi body/psychological horror, so if that's your style then you really do need to.
| The Personal History of David Copperfield |
David Copperfield is a really weird film. I guess I was expecting something a bit more in line with Armando Iannucci's other work (see : satirical and sweary) rather than a straight up Dickensian period drama, but hey, it was still enjoyable.
I guess you could call it an "easy viewing" kinda film, something you can just have on in the background, or something feelgood to pop on if you're having a chill day. You just kinda feel good and content upon finishing it, though you're not fully sure why.
Should I watch it? If you run out of stuff to discuss with your grandma when you visit her, just pop this on.
| Electric Boogaloo : The Wild and Untold Story of Cannon Films |
This film is an absolute blast. Featuring an assortment of film industry names ranging from the famous to the not so famous, this documentary tracks the history of the highly dysfunctional film studio that was Cannon Films, and the many memories created by it.
A truly huge multitude of talent that dealt with the studio in the past disclose secrets and anecdotes from the very beginning of the studio's conception right up to its eventual downfall, and though so many people seemed to have had such terrible experiences working with Cannon and its two batshit owners, everyone seems to be unable to help themselves but smile when regaling the audience with their outlandish tales, and boy is it contagious.
Should I watch it? Fuck yeah, revel in the insanity of old skool film making.
| Jojo Rabbit |
A lot of people were pretty pissed about Jojo Rabbit being released, because y'know, Nazis. But they have no need to be pissed, because given the subject matter I think Jojo Rabbit handled the heaviness of Nazi Germany incredibly well, using it perfectly as a backdrop to a coming of age tale whilst not letting the fact it's an absurd comedy cause it to shy away from the true horrors of living under Nazi rule - in fact in a couple of scenes I'd say the horror is made very clear and makes for some of the most gut wrenching stuff I've seen in a while.
With such a strong cast, great gags, and a roller coaster of highs and lows to enjoy, I'd say Jojo Rabbit is up there with one of my favourite films of the year.
And to those hesitant or reluctant to enjoy it given the setting, may I perhaps point out that American History X is lauded as a fantastic anti-Nazi film that everyone should see, despite the fact it manages to inadvertently make its Nazis look so cool and shit that actual Nazis now cite it as one of their favourite films.
Opinions are dumb, except mine. Go watch Jojo Rabbit.
Should I watch it? Totally, it's a blast!
| Lords of Chaos |
With all the recent film biopics of hugely influential musicians (here's looking at you, Bohemian Rhapsody and Rocketman) it's nice to see one about black metal, because frankly I find the selection of black metal biopics very limited in this day and age.
Lords of Chaos covers the often hard to believe history of Norwegian black metal band Mayhem, the band infamous for their EP featuring their dead singer's suicide as the cover, church burning, and a further death of another band member at the hands of another member.
It's gritty, grim, and downright great. Also fuck, I had no idea Macaulay Culkin had a brother!
Should I watch it? Yes, though if you're not that accustomed to black metal, prepare yourself.
| The Mummy |
I watched The Mummy four times in a row one day. One time with the commentary on so it felt a little less pathetic.
Hey, I was unemployed, there was a lockdown in force, lay off.
Should I watch it? You mean you haven't already?
| Pretending I'm A Superman |
Coinciding perfectly with the release of THPS 1+2, this documentary is the perfect send up to just how incredible the series was until its colossal floundering during the seventh console generation.
There's a lot of repeated sentiments ("the game changed everything!") which can get a bit annoying after a while, but it certainly isn't enough to dampen an otherwise feel-good documentary led by such genuine and passionate folk who made the game a reality and are still feeling the effects of it today.
Should I watch it? You really should. Lovely wee documentary.
| Princess Bride |
If you thought The Great Mummy Marathon of 2020 was cause for concern, it pains me to reveal I also watched The Princess Bride about ten times this year, with four of those instances being on a single day. I of course put the commentary on at one stage just to spice things up. I think I watched every piece of special feature media on the Blu Ray. too.
Hey, it's a good film.
Should I watch it? I'm sure you already have - though perhaps not ten times in a year.
| Sonic the Hedgehog |
Look, right. I love Sonic the Hedgehog. Despite the fact Sega continually shits on my dreams by releasing diabolically bad games a dime a dozen, I still carry a wee blue flame for the hog. I know I shouldn't, but it is what it is, and Sonic Mania was really good, so that made up for nearly 15 years of hurt beforehand.
But yeah, the film - it was alright. I don't really get why Sonic was being raised by an owl but whatever, I guess that was a leftover from when the studio decided audiences would connect better with him by making him look like an actual human child spliced with hedgehog DNA and a packet of Dylon blue dye.
There were some pretty funny jokes, and it wasn't terrible, and I guess that's all I could ask of it given my expectations?
Should I see it? I dunno, I guess?
| Unfriended 2 |
Don't ask why. But yeah, it sucked.
I know the usual defence when these 'social media horror' films are bad mouthed is "well they're made for the younger audience and thus you're probably just too old and jaded to find it accessible", which would be fine if not for the fact the characters are all my age but whatever.
I mean I will give Unfriended 2 this - the basic premise was interesting, and it did keep me around until the very end. However in similar fashion, I will happily sit in a surgery waiting room, sometimes a half house past when I was due to be seen, just to have some dude stick a cold finger in my cornhole. Just because I wait something out to the end, doesn't mean I enjoyed it.
My biggest gripe with this film however is that it is indeed aimed at younger horror fans, yet it is painfully obvious that it was created by old people who don't understand how the internet works. The characters access the deep web by playing some sort've Minecraft inspired browser page, and the evil internet people (who up until the end are of course skinny white dudes in hoodies) have all these kinds of crazy powers to control the internets with their 1337 H4x0r skillz, all of which is laughable to anyone who knows how to bookmark a web page or download a video from YouTube.
So what we actually have is a very bizarre piece of media - a horror film that depicts how older people perceive and fear the internet, but packaged for and aimed at kids. Weird.
Should I watch it? Don't be a hero. In fact just don't.
| Velocipastor |
This movie made me so mad. I think what pissed me off so much is not just the fact it was bad, but that I could just envision the kind've people who would have found it entertaining - just the absolute tumours of the pop culture landscape, the kinda folk who construct their opinion of film and cinema from sites like Screen Rant. Pure Pickle Rick t-shirt wearing cunts.
Making a so-bad-it's-good film is a true artform, you can't just purposefully make something bad - the badness has to come from your incompetence and inability to see it as bad until it is too late. This nudge-nudge wink-wink bullshit a lot of films like Sharknado and Velocipastor and the likes do completely nulls the enjoyment aspect - if you've gone out of your way to make something intentionally bad, that instantly voids any enjoyment. That entertainment is something that has to be organic, and cannot be replicated by a bunch of cynical hacks looking to make a quick buck.
Velocipastor is a film made purposefully bad because the creators know there are people out there who will see it and get a real kick out of pretending for an hour and a half they're a fuckin' film buff because they're able to look down on this and recognise it as bad, no doubt starting an impromptu cinema sins with their friends as they watch it, before putting on Birdemic for the hundredth time.
Although I suppose it's not all that fair to shit on the people who might enjoy this film, when really we should be focusing on the film makers. They made a heap of shit on the cheap with clearly no heart or care put into it, gave it a clickbait angle to draw in punters, then take a profit and fuck off to make another one.
Should I watch it? Do not give these people your money.
| Verotika |
Verotika is TTWAAR's punching bag Glenn Danzig's debut film which was apparently laughed at by the audience at its first screening, a reaction I was sure meant we'd never see a wide release.
I was wrong however, Verotika was released and was just as bad as anticipated, though unfortunately I can reveal that it wasn't The Room bad as I'd hoped. There's glimmers of greatness in the first tale in this anthology horror, however by the halfway point things ground to a halt and I found myself skipping through later parts just to ease some of the boredom.
It could have been so much more, what with its low budget, porn stars for actors, and Glenn Danzig leadership, but overall I'd just call it a boring mess.
Should I watch it? Check out the spider dude story, but give the rest a miss.
| What we Left Behind : Looking Back at Star Trek: Deep Space Nine |
As you may have noticed, I watched a lot of documentaries this year. I guess I'm just getting to that age now, enough time as passed since I was in any form of education so learning is now fun and interesting to me again. Well, education into stuff like skateboarding games, really big wrestlers, and Star Trek Deep Space Nine.
What We Left Behind is the perfect documentary for fans of Deep Space Nine, as it exhibits so much love from absolutely everyone involved in its production. Helmed by members of the show's writing crew, the doc offers everything a fan could expect and then some - we have the usual anecdotes and insights into the history of the show and its development, but then also discussions with fans into what certain episodes meant to them when they were in dark places, not to mention a reunion of the cast who clearly have nothing but love and respect for one another.
Then, as a cherry on top, throughout the film's run we cut to the writers of the show working together to develop a rough draft of an episode they feel they would create if asked to bring the show back, with storyboards and all.
Should I watch it? Definitely. If you're not a fan of Deep Space Nine, you may find you are after viewing this.
So that was my year in films, which I'm sure you found incredibly engaging and interesting at every turn. I also watched a shit tonne of horror films throughout October but I opted to omit those from the list. Nobody wants to hear my opinions on the likes of Friday the 13th Part 7 and Creep. But I'm sure that what people do want to hear is what my film of 2020 was, which I will of course reveal now -
Winner - Bill and Ted Face the Music
This would have been a really hard choice if I'd included the films not released in 2020, however to whittle it down I stuck with the releases of this current year, and that brought Bill and Ted out on top. It was the film we needed in 2020, something light-hearted and fun that just wanted to take us on a whimsical journey and distract us from the turmoil around us for a couple of hours. Sure it wasn't a cinematic masterpiece, but y'know what? It doesn't matter.
Runner-up - Borat 2
HIGH FIVE. No but in all seriousness, I'm astounded Borat 2 was able to work. Not only because of the whole "oh my god you can't say that in this current climate" thing, but because the first film was such a phenomenal success and so created a lot of pressure for a sequel to live up to that, a sequel which features a man in a disguise that has since become world famous. But it worked, and it had some fantastic gags in it, as well as a stand out performance by Maria Bakalova, who's masturbation scene at the Republican Women’s Club had me in stitches.
Right, see yer again tomorrow for the next rundown of things I did in 2020 - specifically all the videogames I played. Toodles!
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