Bill & Ted Face the Music - Will it be Most Excellent or Bogus?

Dang dude, Bill & Ted Face the Music is out tomorrow, that came round real quick. Well actually not really, as there's been word of a third film being in the works as far back as 2010, but with the amount of bogus reports of sequels, prequels, and reboots getting flung about by film buzz sites like chimpanzees with their sweet, sweet faeces, I just didn't pay any heed until the official announcement of its filming surfaced back in March last year.

Holy shit Skip, ten years though, I hear you say, that's a hell of a lot of time to tighten up that script and ensure we get one stellar final outing for the boys to end on. And aye, I suppose it is, but that optimism can take a worrying turn when you take into account how the original Bill & Ted's script was written in just four days, and the bulk of that aforementioned decade was spent trying to find funding for the project and a studio to take it on.

This was something I discovered when looking into the history of Face the Music's production following the drop of that first trailer, as something about it didn't quite gel with me when I watched it, and being the procrastinator that I am I decided to do some sleuthing to see if anything was amiss behind the scenes. Because hey, I'm a big fan of Bill and Ted, and when I first heard the rumours Bill and Ted were coming back for the third outing, I was like,

No waaaay

But then when I saw the film had officially been green-lit and was going into production, I was like,

Yes waaaay

Yet when that first trailer dropped a few months back, I was like,

This could go either waaay

But hey don't get me wrong here, this isn't a "I liked it the way it was" sorta deal. It's been over thirty years since the first Bill & Ted so I get that there needs to be change, and I appreciate the world in 1989 is a completely different beast to the stinking carcass that is 2020 - I get that, I'm not expecting the exact same film again, and I welcome the change. New challenges, new stakes, new characters, I'm all in on that shit - so why then has nothing revealed of the film so far granted me a boarding pass for that glorious hype train I so yearn to ride?

Well in order to answer that question, let me take you on a wee tour through all of the trailers, sneak peeks, interviews, and press releases I've been digging through over the last couple of days, and hopefully I can better discuss how and why I'm a little bit worried about Bill & Ted Face the Music, starting with the obvious first topic.

~ BILL AND TED ~

Bill S. Preston Esquire and Ted "Theodore" Logan. The dynamic dude duo of the time travel genre. That lad from The Lost Boys and that other one from The Matrix films. It has been thirty years since they were first informed they are destined to compose the music that will become the foundation for a Utopian future, and despite their promising start following the closing of Bogus Journey they have still done absolutely nothing of the sort.

They're middle aged, they have a families troubles and households to support, and they have once again faded into obscurity. To make matters worse, they've just been informed that if they don't write the penultimate song of their career in the next 78 minutes, the universe will be entirely destroyed . But what do you do with a time frame so tight and thirty years of failures behind you? Simple, steal that shit from yourselves in the future and call it a day - and they're not alone on this quest either, as their loving daughters embark on their own time travel caper to wrangle up famous musicians from history to recruit into the ranks of Wyld Stallyns.

It's a very faithful Bill and Ted tale, and I'd say it is exactly what any fan of the films would be expecting of a third instalment this late on, not least due to the fact that despite the pair's past record of most triumphantly saving of the day, they have never been up to the Herculean task of writing the perfect song, and have always relied on the help of others to achieve any of their goals.

Shit, the only reason they passed history in 1989 is because Rufus granted them access to a time machine, and even then it's not like they used it to meet historical figures and asked them questions that they could then use to write a solid presentation - they just brought 'em on stage with them and got them to, well, be themselves. In fact the phenomenal success of their historic performance at the Battle of the Bands in '91 is only as good as it is because they had musical backing from space beings, princesses, more time travel meddling, and were conveniently being broadcast around the world by a futuristic communication device.

That's not to say they aren't capable of working hard though - because they are, they just lack the motivation, longevity, and skills to make that count for anything. I mean they've clearly been working on their music, its just that it sucks.

So all in all, the plot is spot on and has no immediate issues to bring up - well, not unless you happen to be a piece of shit, that is. Unsurprisingly there's been the usual kickback of toilet folk who are terrified at the prospect of"Women? in my film franchise?", but that kind've "critique" is not to my interest so we'll just pass over that - although not before I rip into it for being the uninformed trash talk of absolute Dickweeds that it is. Brace yourselves, amigos.

Are you fuckers really gonna drum out that tired old bullshit that there's too many women in films because the studios have been infiltrated by men hated ladies? Do you know how many chicks are given proper screen time in that first trailer? six. Wanna know how many dudes do? eighteen. If the "superior" male sex is so great then can you explain to me why spokespersons for it such as yourselves are incapable of simple maths? Because boys, I barely scraped a C in maths and even I could deduct there's a solid outnumbering three times over right there.

Furthermore the main cast is pretty much fifty fifty down the middle, much like Wyld Stallyns who have always been 50/50 male and female, as the main members of the band are Bill, Ted, and the princesses. So why do you hold the previous films in such high regard when it is apparently just as guilty of "putting dem wimmin in" as the new film is? I'm also aware some people have been quick to point out Bill and Ted refer to their kids as Little Bill and Little Ted at the end of Bogus Journey, but I'd counter that by arguing that they could have merely been referring to them as their miniature selves as many parents do with their kids, that I'd remind you that Bill and Ted are not exactly the brightest, are star in a film that is constantly breaking its own rules and continuity to begin with. Also just a fun wee fact for yous, you know those babies that played Little Bill and Little Ted?

They were female.

Fucking pack it in you lot, sort yourselves out.

And with that out of the way, and seeing as we've briefly touched on casting choices there, let's segue flawlessly (I know, I know, how am I not doing this as a career, right?) into our next topic of discussion...

~ THE FACES ~

On the whole I'm pretty happy with the casting choices for the film, and with the people behind the scenes running the show. Sure there's a few hiccups here and there on some people's resumes, but in the wacky world of film making you can't exactly get a cast and crew together that's made nothing but critically acclaimed landmarks, can you? I mean lest we forget that despite how much we adore Keanu, the dude has also provided his acting chops to honkers such as this, this, and not to mention this.

It's great to see that the writers of the original two films, Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon, have once again returned to script duties, but admittedly there is some cause for concern when looking at what they've been up to since the Bill and Ted days. Matheson is probably the most worrying of the duo, as the only other script he's worked on that you may remember fondly is The Goofy Movie, whereas everything else has been a bit of a stinker with audiences and critics alike. Solomon meanwhile did write the script for the first Men in Black, but he has his own skeletons in the closest, those being the Super Mario Bros. Movie and the 00s Charlie's Angels film. Yikes.

Although fucking hell, did you know the guy also wrote the scripts for the Now You See Me films? Most unprecedented.

Director duties are taken on by a dude named Dean Parisot, who it seems is more comfortable working in television than film if his IMDB is anything to go by. He's been in the biz for 35 years now and has seven films to his name - his most well known of these being the criminally overlooked Galaxy Quest, the mediocre and forgotten Red 2 (Mind the Red films?) and Fun With Dick and Jane, the film everyone's aunt has somewhere on their DVD shelf. In the realm of television meanwhile he's had a pop behind the camera on such shows as Monk, Curb Your Enthusiasm, ER, and Justified, so I'd say there's still hope for the old boy's contributions here, although I did feel in a few scenes the film gave off a few "made for TV" vibes which is explained by his work history. The shots of the future world also came across a little lifeless and empty compared to how vibrant and colourful they are in Bogus Journey, but I'm willing to chalk that up to a fault of the CG department than his camerawork, but I suppose we'll have to wait and see.

Cast-wise things are a little stronger, the obvious highlights are of course Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves returning once again to their iconic roles, and the return of William Sadler as Death. Similarly it's pretty neat to see the return of Hal Landon Jr. as Ted's dad Captain Logan, and Amy Stock-Poynton as Missy, Bill's once date turned step-mother who then married Ted's dad and is now married to Ted's little brother apparently.

As previously discussed however the real online buzz seems to be centred around the newcomers, specifically the daughters of the duo, Brigette Lundy-Paine as Billie Logan and Samara Weaving as Thea Preston. From the snippets of footage available so far, I can safely say that there is absolutely no issue in Brigette's performance as the spawn of Ted - they absolutely fuckin' nailed it in my opinion. They have the mannerisms down to an absolute T, so much so that I'd actually say they do a better job at portraying Ted than Keanu has managed for this third outing.

Weaving on the other hand I must admit I'm not that impressed by. Against the lively performance showcased by Brigette, I can't help but feel that she just comes off a little bland by comparison. Maybe it's just because the right clips haven't been used but I'm just not feeling her acting or delivery at all - of the titular pair Ted is by far the more animated one, however Bill is just as goofy as his esteemed colleague, so I guess I just expect his kid to be likewise, whereas Weaving plays the character too flat for my liking. That does seem to be her style though, and she utilises it very well as made evident in her fantastic work as Penelope in Three Billboards, so who knows, maybe that is a route they're taking. Is it the base of my concerns or indifference to the previews though? Nah, but it's certainly something I'll be aware of before going into the film. Also just a little titbit for you, Samara is also the niece of Hugo Weaving, Keanu's co-star in The Matrix. Excellent.

Back to the positives though - Kristen Schaal has been brought on board to play Rufus' daughter Kelly, which is a great casting choice and a worthy workaround for dealing with the absence of the irreplaceable Rufus played by the late great George Carlin. She's a fantastic comedian and has lent her talents to plenty of stellar films and shows, to the point where I don't feel there's any need to even mention any as they're so prolific. Her mannerisms from what's been released so far are totally inline with Carlin's portrayal of Rufus, which shows some restraint compared to her more outward and silly roles she's best known for, much as Carlin showed restraint in playing the mild and soft spoken Rufus when compared to the more snarky attitude he exhibited in his stage shows.

On a nice wee side note, the character of Kelly is also named as such in homage to Carlin's daughter, who is a successful comedian in her own right. I did wonder if Kelly was perhaps offered the gig first given the name choice and the weight of the role, but there's been no mention from what I've found so far and she does seem to avoid the limelight where she can, so who knows, but irregardless that doesn't change the fact Schaal is a perfect choice.

It's great to see Jillian Bell in it too, who will be playing Bill and Ted's marriage councillor. I still love her best for Workaholics but I'm aware she's come a long way since then - she's appeared in big hitters like Angry Birds and Goosebumps, but has also starred in some acclaimed indie comedies like Brittany Runs a Marathon and Sword of Trust. There's a few other decent names attached such as Holland Tay, Beck Bennett, and Anthony Carrigan, but I can't comment much on them given there's barely been anything shown of them yet worth discussing.

There is one part of the cast I'm a little weary of however - Kid Cudi as Kid Cudi. No disrespect to the dude, I will admit I'm not a huge fan of his music and can't really say I've been blown away by other film roles he's had in the past, but I just don't really dig the idea of a celebrity playing themself in a role that seems as though it might have some greater significance to the plot? I mean the dude is there on the poster and everything. You also did have Joan of Arc (who has done some amazing soundtrack work by the way) and one third of the three most important people in the world played by musicians, though again, they were playing characters and not themselves.

I can't imagine it'll be that big of a deal though, I mean Jim Martin shows up in Bogus Journey and gets recognition and a line, and Primus perform as themselves, but I think even as huge fans of Primus and Faith No More I still wouldn't have been totally on board with them becoming too important to the plot. But moving on I'd say as with Weaving, it's by no means a basis for my woes, more so it's just another caution I guess I have. I mean at the end of the day it is a film about music so musicians are liable to pop up and have popped up prior, like there's already confirmation that Lamb of God and Mastodon will have cameos due to their inclusion on the soundtrack, which actually leads me into my next point...

~ THE MUSIC ~

I gotta admit, the soundtrack is a bit of a bust for me. The accompanying album for the film's music had its tracklist announced not too long ago, so I went to check it out as I was pretty excited to see what kinda bands would be featured - like as much as I'd have loved them just digging up a bunch of old cheesy rock bands from a bygone era, I knew they'd have to go modern with it and I was chill with that - though not quite as much once I saw the listings.

I think a huge aspect of my disappointment is that I'm not really a fan of the majority of the bands and artists featured, in fact I had to look up a good three quarters of them to find out what kind've music they even played, which is very distressing for someone in their late 20s still under the delusion they are still very much in line with the almighty "it".

With a heavy heart I must report that gone are the days of shredding guitar solos and high energy joyful glee, and in its place comes the more restrained and softer sounds of the likes of Alec Wigdahl, Cold War Kids, and Poorstacy. One of the bands featured, FIDLAR, was listed as a punk group which piqued my interest, but upon playing a few tracks I was saddened to discover their style of punk was more in line with a band like Vampire Weekend than say the Dead Kennedys. Heinous.

Just to further cement myself as a crusty old fuck here, I have to say I am very confused about this direction for the soundtrack. These bands sound like the natural progression of the music scene that was supplying the soundtracks to shows like Skins and The Inbetweeners all those years back, the kinda songs your mate who listened exclusively to The Pigeon Detectives and The Ordinary Boys would have on his Spotify nowadays.

I guess the shift is just a little jarring to me, like is rock and metal just not that relevant in 2020? Is music that's all about having daft wee fun not cool anymore? I mean to say it was the bulk of the previous two films' soundtracks poor old metal only gets a look in twice on the thirteen track album; at least the scene is respectfully represented with the likes of Mastodon and Lamb of God - though I imagine both of these tracks will only get a look in during the teased scenes set in the prison and Hell, because y'know, metal only gets a pop in mainstream films when dealing with anything "brutal".

Then there is of course Weezer's track Beginning of The End, which debuted with an accompanying video a week or two ago. It's okay, it's alright, it's fine. That's all I can say about it, really. It's competent and it is more in line with what I'd expect to hear in a Bill & Ted film, but much like the band's recent success with 80s covers it feels more like a cheap imitation than a carbon copy of that era of music. It's got heart, but it doesn't quite hit the sweet spot for me - though perhaps that has more to do with my disdain for Weezer and their uncanny ability to lull you into believing they're back on top before dropping the ball again. Fun fact for y'all though, Weezer's first ever gig was as an opening act for a band named Dogstar - Keanu Reeve's old band.

But maybe it's not fair to judge just yet, as minus the Weezer track none of the other songs have actually been released yet, and my opinion on the other tracks stems entirely from the other existing songs put out by the featured bands; think how ripping Extreme's track Play With Me used during the mall scene is compared to More Than Words. It may also seem unnecessary to judge a film based on what songs are featured in it, but again, given the kind of film Bill & Ted is, the music is a huge aspect of it and does therefore have weight to the overall experience. Everything will be chosen for a reason, and so I'd argue that it is worthwhile trying to deduct things from this.

I would like to take the opportunity to point out however that since metal and hard rock's fall from pop relevance the world has definitely gotten worse. Maybe if the charts begun exploring the prospect of variety again, we too could find the song to unite the world.

Not hatin', just statin'.

I did actually have a think about recent rock bands who could perhaps have made for reasonable soundtrack additions, but the best I could come up with was Ghost for their leaning on that era of rock and fun nature, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard due to how versatile they are in seemingly any genre of rock, and The Chats - because fuck, what band better captures the energy and style of the younger Wyld Stallyns than these shed rock maestros?

Let's be real though - what the film is lacking in and desperately needs is some Scooter. Yes Scooter, the German Techno band who have flown the banner to party on for over a quarter of a century now. Think about it, they've been going almost as long as the Bill & Ted franchise, they sing about partying all the time, their mission is to bring the world together through music, and they try to spread a message of love and philosophy through their songs - they are Wyld Stallyns - so why won't these cowards give them a shot? Most egregious.

~ FINAL THOUGHTS ~

So as we draw to a close you may be thinking to yourself, so what, you don't think the film will be very good because you don't like the bands on the soundtrack Skip? That's kinda shitty of you. Well please don't feel that way, as this is not the point I was trying to make at all - in fact actually shit, I've done this entire article without making my main issue known, have I? If only I could travel back in time and tell myself to include it in the opening paragraph...or if only I could be fucked to scroll all the way back up there and work it in someplace. Well here's as good as anywhere, I suppose.

After discussing everything that can be discussed so far about the film, now is the time to reveal my true gripe with the trailers - I just didn't find anything in them to be very funny. I didn't laugh. I didn't smile. I wasn't amused.

Above everything else, to me Bill & Ted is a comedy series. The first two films are solid comedies with plenty of adventure and memorable characters thrown in for good measure. For Face the Music I'd agree the adventure element is there, and that the characters so far seem up to the task of matching their predecessors, but I saw nothing that warranted a chuckle. I saw things I know were supposed to be funny, but they simply didn't stick the landing - like I know the alternative timeline Bill and Ted in prison with their catchphrases tattooed all over their abdomens is there for laughs, but I kinda feel like I need a bit more than that?

As I've pondered previously however, maybe it is just the scenes that have been picked that are the issue, because I know for a fact some of my favourite elements of the first film could also never be condensed into a trailer. For example the entire gag with Napoleon getting babysat by Deacon, by itself yeah you get that it's supposed to be funny and you could easily make reference to it in a trailer, but what really makes it work is seeing him going for his first ever ice cream sundae, fighting off children for the final spoonfuls before being branded a Ziggy Piggy with a commemorative badge, a badge which he wears with pride and quiet dignity for the remainder of the film alongside his military medals. You couldn't showcase all of that in a minute and a half advertisement, and nor would you want to.

But having said that, when re-watching the trailer for Excellent Adventure there are still plenty of quick gags that get a look in ("Noah's Wife?", "69, dudes!"), so why then are they reluctant to do likewise now? Surely it can't be because that goofy charm and humour isn't present in Face the Music...could it?

A part of me is wondering, and I can't believe I'm about to make this comparison, if Bill & Ted 3 will take a similar direction as Twin Peaks The Return - where we are returning to these characters have changed over time as they would in the real world, bringing in a new tone to distance itself from the past to avoid it coming off as a shameful grab at past glories, whilst still being able to continue its story. It would maybe help to explain why the music may (or may not!) lack that wackier tone, too.

I have a feeling that the title Face the Music will have a couple of meanings, and one of the more prominent meanings I believe may be in the duo facing up to the consequences of their actions and realising where their responsibilities truly lie; their initial reaction to finding out they must write their new song quickly is instantly to take a short cut and steal it from themselves, which is not only standard practice for the two slackers, but could have major repercussions on their timeline, much like their previous ventures in which they just cherry picked important figures from history without once considering how it could affect the world around them. This may then explain why we see the musclebro Bill and Ted in the prison, perhaps a product of a timeline created by their constant meddling, something that hasn't been touched on in the past.

There is also of course their responsibility of being good parents, something they may be failing in when focusing so much on writing their song, as how are two dudes with a floundering music career able to provide them with a future? In trying to create the perfect future, they've neglected the future of their own children, becoming parents who are just not there for them, much like their own parents weren't there for them when they were kids. If this is all sounding a little bleak to you, well let me hit you with this - did you notice at all how Ted barely seems his old self? Those floppy-haired, puppy dog mannerisms are almost entirely exhausted from him, his dorky grin absent from even the film's poster. I mean listen to that delivery of his iconic "and party on, dudes" line. Now couple that with jorts enthusiast Kevin Smith stating at the Comic Con that the end half of the film is very "emotional". Strange things are afoot in Bill & Ted Face the Music, dudes.

So if Bill and Ted are no longer the designated goofballs, who will take the reigns? Well the obvious answer there of course is the new kids on the block, Billie and Thea. It makes the most sense seeing as they seem to be the age Bill and Ted were when their adventures first begun, and judging from the trailer they appear to be retreading their fathers' footsteps of the previous two instalments by travelling through time and winding up dead in the afterlife - perhaps then Bill and Ted were the ideas and philosophies behind the music to Wyld Stallyns, whereas it is Billie and Thea who will re-purpose those ideas into actual music that people will listen to.

This is all just theory though, and to be honest I don't think that it's a theory that holds up too well, mostly because I don't believe this is the direction the writers wish to go in. Let us travel back in time to the start of the article for a moment; I insinuated that perhaps the script wasn't very good and that's why it took ten years to get picked up, but that was all just smoke 'n' mirrors to throw you off before my big reveal here. The reality is that according to an interview with Solomon, the reason studios were so reluctant to touch the film was because it was a sequel, and not a reboot.

See Bill & Ted didn't see that wide of an international release, which means if a studio was to market a sequel to countries that had not received previous films, such as the sacred cash cow to modern film studios that is China, it might not work out - and in case you haven't noticed, optimal profits are as huge a driving force now as they ever have been in the past. Don't believe me? Then let me guide you to this article from Variety, which clearly states China will not be receiving Bill & Ted 3. I'd say that's a pretty good indicator that there won't be any "passing of the torch" business in the film's ending, at least not in the sense of a continuing film franchise from it, as I can't imagine the writers would see the point in continuing the franchise without Bill and Ted, as what else could you do with this story? We could theorise that in order to get the film into production the writers met the studios half way and included a passing of the torch to allow the studios to make new films in the future, but again, I'm not sold on that idea.

Whatever the outcome though, whether it be a shift in tone and direction, a set up for an expanded universe, or just a case of one dude on the internet misinterpreting promotional material, I just hope this third film brings closure for Bill and Ted. I want to see them to face up to consequence and responsibility in order to finally transition from their slacker selves into their wiser future selves who are up to the task of bringing peace to the world. That is their arc, that has always been their arc, yet it was never realised in the previous films and was just left up to the audience to assume everything worked out. But things are different this time, those 78 minutes will be the run time of the film, so the Bill and Ted we will see as the credits roll should rightfully be the Bill and Ted worthy of uniting the world, meaning their saga will be over, the book will be closed. I don't expect them to go into that alone however, as with every time before I'd say it's a pretty sure fire that they'll need the help of others, and who better to help them then their own kids?

There's a fantastic scene in Excellent Adventure that I think highlights the men Bill and Ted will become, when they inadvertently travel to the future and are greeted by the society they have created. Despite the pair being absolute dimwits, the future folk are absolutely smitten by them, as even at such a young age with not an ounce of intellect between them, their kindhearted nature and wisdom shines through with the simple message from their very core, a message so simple that it is to be the foundation to everything they will one day create - "be excellent to one another". So I guess what I'm getting at here, is that no matter what happens in the film's run, I hope those two kids finally and triumphantly reach their potential, and more importantly, I hope their outing is fun, just pure, simple, care-free fun.

So in conclusion I would like to end by giving my answer to the question posed in the article's title - no, I don't think the film will be bogus. I worry that it might simply be okay, that the ideas might be too great and the execution might fall a little far from the target, but I have faith in the cast and crew to make this final venture most excellent, despite my woes.

Catch ya later.