Yesterday was music, today is movies. Movies from 2019, that I watched in 2019. I wouldn't say it's been an exciting year for films, in fact I often found myself seeing things being announced and feeling as if I should check them out, rather than an actual burning desire to. Films like Godzilla : King of the Monsters and Child's Play seemed like they'd do very little to rebuild my love for cinema, but at the same time I felt I should give them the benefit of a doubt just in case, by some miracle, something went right this year, even if it was as small a victory as a long-standing franchise not succumbing to studio meddling and social media influencing.
Us | 22nd March
Jordan Peele has been a very busy boy with his spookies this year. First his new film Us was announced which made everybody who likes Jordan Peele very pleased, then he went and appeared on a Superbowl commercial announcing he was gonna be the narrator dude on the new Twilight Zone. The dude loves his spooks.
But let's stay focused on Us for now, which is a pretty good film - not an incredible film, but a pretty good one. There's been plenty of folk comparing Us to Peele's previous film Get Out, which I can totally see in terms of its building of suspense as something not quite right bubbles just beneath the surface, though I can imagine not everyone who liked Get Out will automatically like Us, too. Where Get Out's subtext was fairly clear and could also be completely disregarded in favour of the surface-level "bad men are taking people's brains and putting them in new bodies" story, Us demands the viewer studies and understands its subtext much more in order to walk away with satisfaction. That's in no way a diss, more that it's an explanation as to maybe why Us hasn't quite had the same warm reception Get Out did, despite their many similarities.
What is a diss though is how muddled this subtext can sometimes be, as though its tried to string up one too many problems with American society to the point things can come off a bit jarring. With too many commentaries kicking about, it can sometimes cause what is otherwise a pretty wild ride to stutter and stall at a few points, which is a shame given how smoothly things ran for Get Out. But hey, Us is still better than most other horror outings that cropped up this year, and at least it tried to do something a little different, that allowed for some flairs of greatness to shine through. There's some great tension, fantastic characters, and a lovely streak of dark humour to boot. Plus it's always nice to see Tim Heidecker getting work.
Should you watch it? Sure man, give it a go.
Pet Sematary | 4th April
I've got a Pet Sematary retrospective I wrote about three years ago that I still haven't finished sat on my computer. I guess I just didn't have the drive to discuss it like I originally thought I did when starting it, and so its sat in the limbo of My Documents, awaiting its day. I think that day finally came however when I watched the 2019 Pet Sematary, because I was suddenly flooded with ways to describe what I liked about the original film - namely that it is not a piece of shit like the 2019 remake. Apparently the film was briskly pumped out before its producing studio's rights to the film ran out, and this becomes very apparent within the second half of the film, following the death of the family's daughter, a lazy bait-and-switch to subvert expectations that the young son will die as he did in the book and original film. The film wasn't exactly stellar up until this pinnacle moment, however things only sour further as the film begins to stumble over itself and lose sight of its story for the sake of jumpscares in poorly lit sets. By the end we're subjected to a stupid fucking zombie family cliffhanger, which is an original idea created for the '19 movie that offers very little to the tale other than to give the illusion this movie has any form of originality or creative merit. Its a film that makes a half-baked attempt at creating a sense of horror and dread, though frankly I don't think anyone working on Pet Sematary '19 had any intention of doing it right.
Should you watch it? No, I wouldn't bother.
Hellboy | 11th April
Man, what another heap of shit. Like I'd heard about the issues with studio meddling cropping up once again, and too many people giving it their two cents about what direction the film should go in and the finished product as a whole suffered because of it, but damn man, this was a fuckin' flop.
Coming away from this absolute shitshow, I think the best way to describe Hellboy 2019 is that it is a Hellboy catered almost exclusively to edgelords; its use of vulgar language seems to stem from the stale misconception that using swear words is cool and funny, its characters are supposed to come across as troubled and dark but instead just give the impression they're unlikable arseholes, and the plot seems to take a very far backseat to action and "cool shit" - and when I say a backseat, we're talking like the backseat limousine at the back of a limousine convoy heading for a limousine convention.
What made the first two Hellboy films so enjoyable was that genuine sense of mystery and awe at this fantasy underbelly that exists within our world, almost like a mishmash of Harry Potter and Men in Black, with a cast of likeable characters and a villain who felt a genuine threat with a cast of menacing henchmen to boot, and sadly the only thing that seems to have translated at all over to this re-telling is David Harbour's performance of Hellboy, but even Hawkins' finest law enforcer cannot help keep the big red boy's connection with the audience when the script takes such intense nosedives.
Hey remember how Hellboy's father was a respected older gentleman who was a credit to his field and was sometimes an imposing yet always loving father figure? Well in Hellboy '19 he is portrayed as a miserable prick who just seems to materialise into any scene he sees fit, with his only motivation being to speak to Hellboy like he's a dink before pissing off again, until he feels another condescending pep talk with his son is necessary. And the Nazis man, what the fuck is up with the Nazis in this film? For some reason they almost feel as though they're being made to look cool? Like I ain't suggesting the filmmakers were trying to make the audience pro-Nazi consciously, but that vibe is certainly given when you're making them look all bad-ass with their cool steampunk tech and attractive actors, whether they intended it or not.
Also I'm sorry guys, but London and Londoners are not cool. So setting a hefty chunk of this film around London with all these cockney characters with cool hair cuts and punchy one-liners really didn't land it for me. The best part of the film, the last ten minutes, was definitely benefited by the fact the hordes of Hell were seen absolutely trashing the cesspool that is Britain's capitol - that and the demon designs were pretty boss, leading to possibly the only moment in the film where any creative flair was on display.
Should you watch it? Absolutely not. Just go re-watch the first two, and become enraged when remembering that a third film was turned down but this honker was greenlit.
Godzilla : King of the Monsters | 29th May
I didn't think Godzilla 2014 was very good. I wasn't too bothered about him not appearing on screen much, I just thought the Godzilla-less aspects of the film featuring some soldier dude trying to save his family or whatever were just really fucking weak. So when Legendary Pictures were drumming up hype for King of the Monsters, the big buzz about town was the fact they'd listened to audiences and made sure to put more Godzilla in the Godzilla movie, which is great and all, but they never promised to make the non-Godzilla scenes a bit more exciting. That's probably because they didn't make the non-Godzilla scenes a bit more exciting.
Look right, I get that the whole draw of Godzilla films is the spectacle, I know because that is the exact reason I watch Godzilla films, but if you're gonna go for spectacle you could at least try to make your whole product spectacle. Shin Godzilla has some pretty spectacular spectacles going for it, but more importantly the human side of the story is still gripping and engaging - admittedly it's not the kind of film a western studio is gonna make at the risk of alienating blockbuster junkies, but even stuff like Godzilla Final Wars and Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah managed to have interesting side stories with time travel, alien kung-fu fights, and dinosaur nuking. Sure that makes for a tough act to follow, though not necessarily an impossible one to top, so what does King of the Monsters have on offer?
What it has is the Conjuring lady doing a sort've Thanos thing for whatever reason and her daughter the Stranger Things is trying to stop it all in order bring her back together with the dad man. Then Ice Cube's son is there and he's shooting stuff but him and the other soldiers don't really get too far shooting stuff and a few of them even get melted by a death ray - oh and there's these evil bad guys who are using Conjuring lady for their own personal gain I guess, and everybody acts as though everything that happens is part of some genius orchestrated plan despite nothing seeming to go the way anybody intended it to. Sounds fuckin' baller, huh?
I'm not really sure what their angle was with the plot, like it kinda felt like they were going for some sort of moral or environmental message like classic Godzilla films do, but given nobody including the monsters seem to give two fucks about the environment or morals it didn't really work out. It also kinda felt like they didn't want things to be TOO silly in a film about giant monsters beating the shit out of each other which is frustrating, but they still wanted to bend the rules a little and have silly things happen whilst still being all dark and mature 'n' shit. This kinda puts it in an awkward grey area between Shin and Final Wars, in that it doesn't allow itself to have fun whilst also making sure not to ground itself too firmly in reality that average movie goers might switch off.
The monster fights are alright though I guess. It was nice to see Godzilla fighting classic foes instead of those lame-ass MUTO things or whatever they were called (I really don't care enough to even do a quick Google to see if that's the right name) but at the same time I didn't really feel THAT excited by the colossal duke-outs. They just didn't look interesting, I guess because it had been decided there'd be more brawls but no actual consideration into how they would look. Fuck it, they're in there, that's what the people want. Pure monkey paw logic, man.
Should you watch it? Nah.
Child's Play | 21st June
Child's Play 2019 garnered a lot of hate well before its release, some of it justifiable, some of it not. The justifiable criticism was that Orion Pictures had chosen to produce the remake whilst the series' creators were already in the midst of their own productions that were succeeding in rebuilding Chucky's reputation, a definite dick move on Orion's part. Less justifiable criticisms however ranged from hatred towards the cast to the "modernising" of the story, which in essence boiled down to your everyday "I don't like change" cries from franchise die-hards. As a fan of the series sure, I was concerned at casting choices, and I can't say that I was that impressed with the doll's design, but my concerns by no means warranted dummy-spitting and tantrum throwing.
And you know what? I'm glad I kept my dignity by not sulking about the existence of a remake, because y'know what guys? Child's Play '19 is a pretty decent film, and dare I say, one of the most enjoyable films I saw this year. There's been quite a shake up in regards to the Chucky doll lore - the voodoo and supernatural elements have been completely scrapped in favour of a technology goes bad story-line, which actually shares some similarities to the original scripts for Child's Play. For example the Good Guy dolls in the remake share the Buddi moniker of the dolls in the original film's early drafts, and where early drafts pinned Andy as the killer all along, many of the characters in Child's Play '19 have their own suspicions of Andy's part in the grisly murders transpiring, that is until the film's finale when all hell breaks loose.
It's a huge step away from what we've come to expect of the franchise until now, showcasing the Chucky doll as a more sympathetic and misunderstood character rather than a sadistic murderer, and its modern take on the killer ginger-haired plastic bastard certainly worked a treat. The cast did a fantastic job, most notably Mark Hamill, who I was very pleased did not resort to simply dusting off his sinister Joker voice to portray Chucky, instead playing the doll almost as though he is a naive child with little understanding of the world he finds himself in. I'd argue that the film may have worked better as a stand alone IP rather than an instalment in the Child's Play franchise, but this slight criticism doesn't in any way dampen the enjoyment present in Child's Play '19.
Should you watch it? Fan or not of the original Child's Play films, I think this is a film worth watching.
Midsommar | 3rd July
As mentioned in my write up of 2018's films, I thought Hereditary was an overrated and often predictable demon/possession horror that could not be saved despite the interesting angle of the very realistic and distressing breakdown of the family involved. Because of this, I had my doubts that Midsommar would do much to wow me, with my expectations being a very similar situation to Hereditary though this time featuring a Wicker Man-like plot rather than the current horror go-to of possessions. However I can safely say Midsommar is much more than that, and has plenty of original and eye-catching ideas that seemed to be lacking in the director's previous film.
Described as more of a break up film than a ritualistic cult film, Midsommar borrows some elements of Hereditary such as the more reality-rooted horror being wrapped in a conventional horror story, and there is even a scene early on that very much mimics a scene from Hereditary following the daughter's death , however from here Midsommar comes into its own and offers up some genuinely unnerving and horrific imagery that piqued my interest and enjoyment tenfold.
The behaviour of the characters are sometimes questionable as they are in Hereditary (how can you people not carry around a fucking epipen for a disturbed girl with a deadly allergy?) yet given that for the majority of the film they are hopped up on a concoction of drugs there is at least some reasoning behind their bumbling behaviour. The film is wonderfully shot, the slow reveal of the extent of the cult's sadistic intentions feels much better paced than Hereditary's method of an early explosion before returning to a snail-like pace, and the sets and scenery are mesmerising, with obvious loving care and passion being pumped into this small secluded woodland setting.
Should you watch it? Definitely, it may not be the "generation defining" film critics are hailing it, but it is without a doubt a wonderfully crafted film I'm more than happy to recommend.
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood | 14th August
Quentin Tarantino made another film that when watching makes you go "fucking hell, this is long". Not to say that long films are bad, just that when you're watching Once Upon a Time in Hollywood for example, you're hyper aware of how long it is, and may even find yourself being unable to take your mind off the fact it's still going. A bit like Pirates of the Caribbean 3. But unlike Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Once Upon a Time is actually really good, so it's not that big a deal. Just noticeable. Like an itch. A 3 hour itch.
One of the main factors that really justified the length of some scenes was the payoffs that followed them, which frankly may not have had the same impact without that necessity of a slow burn build up. The whole ending scene is a prime example of this, as it begins to retell the tale of the Manson Murders in a painstaking manner, to the point where I began to think, I get it, you're going to show the Manson Murders, just fucking get to it already. However what happens next is something entirely different, and suddenly I didn't mind too much having to stick with it for so long. Though I guess I did still mind a little, because I'm bitching about it in text form. Not everything you shoot is art, Quentin. Get Movie Maker open or whatever fancy high tech editing equipment you're using and get this shit cut down. Gimme the short attention span cut.
But aside from niggly little critiques, everything else is dynamite. The characters were fantastic and tension and atmosphere were built and executed phenomenally. The film looked great, and the violent climax was gleefully enjoyable to watch. It also didn't feel too much like Tarantino's other films too which was nice, like there were some truly commendable scenes that showed him dipping his toes into a few new ideas which was nice. I know there were complaints about Margarot Robbie's character being underused, but I honestly didn't have any issue with it. Her character's only real point in being in the movie was to act as a tether throughout the film to the climax, and given the nature of how things go, it makes sense for her not to have been utilised more, as there was absolutely no point in doing so. Plus shit guys, do you really wanna complain about something that would've increased this thing's run-time?
Should you see it? Aye you should, it's good. Even if you're not a fan of Tarantino's other films you might have a good time with it. If 2+ hour run-times are a deal-breaker for you though you might struggle, I guess.
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark | 23rd August
What's the deal with this film's critic reviews? 78% on Rotten Tomatoes? This is, at best, a 38% rated flick ladies and gentlemen - trust me when I tell you that there is nothing to be certified fresh in Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.
Scary Stories is an adaption of the book series of the same name from the 80s and 90s, which were aimed at children who would now be fully grown though perhaps not fully functioning adults. I think this issue of adapting a children's book in a time where its original fans are now all grown up probably played a significant role in its failings, as there seems to be a struggle present in creating what I assume is supposed to be an entry-level horror movie romp for children whilst still featuring enough adult themes to appease the ageing fan-base.
These adult themes though are perhaps what holds the film back so much, as political and racial subtext is shoehorned in for some unknown reason, such as characters making unnecessary and off-topic comments about the Nixon presidency whenever they get the chance. Oh shit Nixon's on TV, quick, we'd better tell this group of children we wouldn't vote for him! These comments do absolutely nothing to flesh out these characters nor the world in which they reside, so their inclusion just feels bizarre and frustrating, and will certainly not be of any interest to a child watching Scary Stories who is just along for the spooks.
I've never read the books myself, minus a few of the famous stories, so I'm having to go by the words of others when I say that the film itself isn't even that good an adaption of the stories, with the stories present in the film being some sort of mishmash of multiple stories rather than just the chilling originals. It was nice to see the monsters from the book's illustrations brought to life, however their appearances really are nothing more than fan service, as they are paraded out for a few minutes of ghoulish screen-time before being retired back to the benches.
I really have no idea what the fuck was up with the ending either, like why is spider-face now chilling with book worm and sad dad? Are we gonna get a sequel where they try and bring the characters that died back? Are we doing an Endgame thing? Fuck off with yer Stranger Things heavy bullshit and your made-for-TV look, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. You Suck.
Should you watch it? No.
The Day Shall Come | 11th October
Gee, I'd love to have reviewed The Day Shall Come, but no cinema anywhere near me fuckin' got it. An English film did not manage nationwide release. Fuckin' A. At least my local cinemas were still showing fucking Endgame and Lion King. Awesome.
Should you watch it? Wait til the DVD release and I'll let you know.
And so wraps up my fairly bland year of films. There were some surprises though which was nice, but almost all the films I watched were what I expected or less than that. Still though, the few that shined shined bright, which will make choosing the best all the more easy.
Winner - Child's Play
I'm gonna go with Child's Play simply because it did one thing greater than any of the other film listed here - it surpassed my expectations. Maybe it's a bit of a gyp to go with a film on the basis that I thought it would be shit and then it turned out to actually be good, but I can't deny how enjoyable it was and how willing I would be to watch it again. It took an interesting spin on the original films and created something that was both original and entertaining, and for that it deserves some merit.
Runner-up - Midsommar
Much as with Child's Play, I expected little of Midsommar and what I got was far more. It was a champion of a horror movie that truly made me feel the emotions I want when watching a horror. I wasn't jumping, yelling or screaming, but I dreaded where scenes were going, I was horrified by the imagery I saw, and I was intrigued and in the dark as to what was going to happen next.
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